Saturday, August 20, 2011

Seed to Believe

"you're putting our destiny on hold by not going through with this"... x

It was 3:00am on a cold winter night, as I was heading down the backstreet alley in West Hollywood.  I started approaching the old dark building and I felt this eerie chill go up and down my spine.  I could see the long line of people waiting outside to get in.  I passed by the crowd in slow motion.  I captured each face as I passed them by and they all seemed somber and tormented.  I recognized many of their faces but I appeared to be invisible to them.

I felt nauseous the closer I got to the front of the door.  I couldn't see inside, but I had to believe that he was in there.  I was told, that it would be the hardest decision I would ever make.  It would cost me all that I had and all that I knew, if I went inside.  It would be a very painful process and once inside, I could never go back to my home or my old life.

Fear and sadness gripped me with every step I took, towards the door.  I felt the sting of pain and loss running through my veins.  Tears rolled down my face as I kept repeating to myself... "A time to mourn and a time to dance."

I knew, that I couldn't skip over the mourning season and I couldn't skip over the pain.  I was facing it and it was killing me!  I felt like this season was never going to end.  I was so weak but I knew I had to go through the process of the pain, in order to reach the other side.

I had to believe, what I could not see!

"No matter what color your skin, rich or poor... pain is not prejudiced"

I approached the door and the bouncer said, "You can't enter, it's too late."  I said, "No, it's never too late... let me in."  He replied, "I can't let you in, the dead are there."  He removed the rope to allow a guy with long blonde hair and tattoos, inside.  I turned around and noticed a girl (with long brown hair), holding onto his arm.  I sensed something immoral about her.  I said to the guy, "Don't go in there, it's not too late, don't believe what he's telling you." I took the woman's hand and removed it from his arm... Listen to me, turn around and run."  I said.  He was just staring at me with a blank stare.  It was like he was unable to hear what I was saying and he began approaching the door, anyway.

It was then that I realized who he was and I yelled... "Vincent, turn around in the name of Jesus Christ."  He spun around and glared at me with evilness in his eyes.  He grabbed both of my arms and started shaking me and screaming in my face... "Why does God hate me? Why does He hate me?"  I was crying hysterically and I began pleading with him... "He doesn't hate you... He loves you... don't believe them... He has forgiven you, He loves you!"  He then said, "If I go, you can never stop praying for me, NEVER!  Do you understand me???  I can't do this anymore!"  I said, "I promise!  I will never stop praying for you, no matter what... now go!"  He took off and started running down the street.

The bouncer was pissed off and he called for more security to come and have me removed from outside of the building.  I ran down the street and grabbed my friends and said, "I'm going inside, I have to believe he's in there... I need you to start praying for me and for all of those inside.  Pray for everyone in line too and tell them to leave!  As soon as I'm inside, come in and start speaking life and praying out loud with me."  I then ran back to the front of the door and the guard yelled, "I told you to get out of here."  I said, "Move out of my way, in Jesus Name."  He froze for a second and I took that opportunity to run inside.

As soon as I got inside, I couldn't see anything.  I began coughing from the stench of vomit, urine, and rotting bones.  I covered my mouth and nose with my shirt and reached into my purse to grab my cell phone, so I could see.  I noticed a text message on my phone that read, "you will never look at life the same, ever again!"

My eyes were stinging, as I began flashing my phone (like a flashlight), through all of the bodies lying lifeless on the ground.  I began praying out loud, as loud as I could.  I kept scanning the crowd, but I couldn't find him. "He has to be here, he has to be here"... I kept repeating to myself.

Finally, I saw a flash of his cross (that his father gave him), around his neck and I started running towards him.  I ran up to him and got on my knees and started praying.  I put his lifeless head on my lap and I removed his beautiful red locks, from his face.  I knew he was gone, but I began to pray and believe anyway.

I commanded every assignment from the enemy to be removed.  I prayed that life would return to him and that death couldn't hold him, in Jesus Name.  I started praying louder and louder and all of the sudden he started coughing and spitting up blood.  I began to cry and kept praying and thanking God.

My friends entered the building and I could hear them begin to pray for everyone.  I started shouting and commanding all of the evil forces to loose everyone in the room.  

"my sweet child of mine, let me lay it on the line"... x

Suddenly a light in the building came on and it was shining down upon him.  I looked around the room and I could see people moving.  I heard the moans and weeping, from all of the men and women in the room.  I yelled to my friends, "Help all of them get out of here."  They started shuffling through the people, to help them out the door.  I kept praying out loud, as loud as I possibly could.

I then began telling him how much I loved him, that I would give my life for him.  I told him that he's my blessing, my rainbow and my promise from God.  I helped him up and I wrapped his trench coat around him.  I thanked Jesus for the light and for the MIRACLE of life.

We started heading towards the door and I noticed that all of the people that had been standing in line, were gone.  We began walking down the street and it was at that point, that I realized what the text on my phone had meant.

"I would never look at life the same, ever again!"  I could never look back, I could not return to my old life and all that I once knew, was gone.  I had to hold onto the promise and let go of the pain.  I was scared and I didn't know where to go?  All I knew is, that I needed to keep walking in faith.

I kept thanking God for the gift of life, as we were walking down the sidewalk and then I looked up...

That's when I saw his Ferrari coming around the corner and I screamed, "x... x... I went through with it... Our seed IS alive!"

Today... we are closer than we have ever been.

Would you be willing to give up everything you have, for something you couldn't see?  Would you be willing to risk your life, to save another soul?

We all go through heartache and pain, it is one of the loneliest walks we have to take in life.  Betrayal and separation from those you love and trust, is one of the hardest things to face.  No one else can walk through the pain for us.  We have to make that choice to keep walking forward, no matter what our circumstance.

It may appear that darkness and death is all around us.  You may not be able to SEE how anything good could possibly come out of your situation, trust me I know.  But we can't give up and think that it's too late for us.  We need to hold onto hope and keep focusing on the Light, no matter how bleak or dark it may appear.

It may feel, as though we are invisible and no one understands what we're going through but we need to keep fighting.  We need to speak life into the death of our pain.  We also need to remember to help and pray for others along the way, because we don't know the pain that they may be facing, either.  The hardest part is making the decision, to let go.  We can't walk into our future, if we're holding onto our past. 

If nothing good ever came out of pain, then we wouldn't have so many beautiful songs.  You might discover your greatest treasure, in the darkest moment in your life.  Have faith that your DESTINY is right around the corner.

BELIEVE, that it's your season to dance!

x ~ I respect you and I love you!!!

I listened to all three versions of the song.  I told you that the original one, is the crying one.  Don't change the lyrics! ;)

*Faith, Hope, and Love


Monday, August 15, 2011


"hope deferred makes the heart sick."

If something was broken here
Why did you go there to fix it?
If it was missing here
Why did you search over there to find it?

If it needed to be connected
Why did you continue to sever it?
If you felt lonely
Why was I neglected and alone?

If communication was void
Why was it filled with a strangers voice?
If time was the issue
Why did you abandon it?

Haunted in our sanctuary
Silence filled the walls
I prayed and believed
You would yield and retrieve

You took the deceptive steps
You tangled yourself
And what was sacred
Soon became tainted

I never chose this path
It was plotted against me
Victimized by trust
Defaced and disgraced

My character was assassinated
Stolen and vandalized
You shuffled your feet
For a moment of pleasure

You drank water from another well
And soon ours dried up
A flower cannot be revived
Once it withers and dies

It's over, the choice was yours
There's nothing left, but a garden destroyed
Sign the certificate of death
And bury those dead flowers

For the monument you've gained
Is but a bed, defiled and maimed
And the crown upon your head
Is reduced to a crust of bread

love r.i.p.

Aerosmith ~ Hole in my soul

Aerosmith ~ Hole in my soul lyrics

I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land
The punishment sometimes
Don't seem to fit the crime

Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned
So you tell me how it's gonna be this time

Is it over?
Is it over?
'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you, girl yeah 'cause

There's a Hole In My Soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a Hole In My Soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose
Yeah, yeah

I'm as dry as a seven year drought
I got dust for tears
Yeah I'm all tapped out
Sometimes I feel broken and can't get fixed

I know there's been all kinds of shoes
Underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on
But you're still in my head
And something tells me this time
I'm down to my last licks

'Cause if it's over
Then it's over
And it's driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl, yeah, I swear
I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause

Yeah, it's over
Yeah, it's over
And I'm blowing out the flame