Monday, December 29, 2014

Broken Chord

I saw you there, there amongst the crowd.
I was surprised to see you but then again...
I always knew that you would eventually come
to see the King!

It was over 5 years ago, when my phone rang and I saw Paul's name pop up.
I just stared at my phone for a few seconds, halfway shocked that he was calling me.  I wasn't sure if I should answer it or not but something within me, told me to pick it up...

Me:  Hello

Paul:  Hey, Farfalla it's me Paul.  I didn't think you'd pick up.

Me:  Why are you calling me?  I responded with a harsh voice.

Paul:  I wanted... listen... I just wanted to ask you if you'd talk to him for me.

Me:  You're asking me to speak to him, on YOUR behalf???  Don't try to befriend me when your intentions are to hurt him, Paul.  You know where I stand and where I have always stood.  I have been loyal to him and I will NOT waiver, not now... not EVER!

Paul:  Lisa, calm down!  Look... I know how you feel about him.

Me:  Then why would you even consider it, Paul?

Paul:  Because you have his ear... you also see deeper than most... just tell me this... do you ever see any future for us?

Silence...

It was at that point that I saw a flash/vision, or whatever you want to call it? I call them 'Video Clips from Heaven,' because it's like a 30 second flash and then it's gone.

What I saw shocked me.

I saw Paul standing in front of me with two broken arms and one broken leg.  I know there are symbolic meanings to the things that I see but at that very moment, I had no clue what it meant?

Paul:  Farfalla are you still there?

I said the first thing that popped into my mind...

Me:  Paul, there are a lot of things that are broken that need to heal and some bones heal quicker than others.  I will continue to pray for all of you.


"A time to break down and a time to build up." ~King Solomon


A few months had passed when Paul contacted me again.  I didn't pick up this time, x was leaving the following day and I had a lot going on.  Paul was the last person I needed to talk to.  Although he did leave a message on my voice mail, so I decided to listen to it.

He said it was VERY important that he talks to me.  He even had the nerve to ask me if I would meet him in person?  Whatever?!  I just deleted the message.

But later that day as I was packing x's things, I kept thinking about Paul. Ugh!

I finally looked up at the ceiling and said to God, "Ok, ok, if you want me to go meet with him, then I will go."

A few days later I called Paul back and agreed to meet with him.


"A time to weep and a time to laugh." ~King Solomon


I had arrived early that afternoon, at the little cafe by the beach.  I wanted to pray before Paul got there.

I felt uneasy and was sick to my stomach.  A million thoughts were going through my mind and my emotions were all over the place.  I would never do anything to hurt x and I felt like I was betraying him by being there.  I started praying and I asked God, "Why are you having me do this?  I need to get out of here."

Just as I was thinking about leaving, I saw Paul walking up but he wasn't alone... Mitch was with him.

Oh boy, here we go, I thought?!

We sat down and ordered drinks and a few appetizers.  I just listened, as Mitch did most of the talking.  He is very smart and was very detailed in his approach.

Me:  Who am I, that you would ask of me, what you are asking?

Mitch:  You hold the key Farfalla... we've tried for years to work it out with him and several people in the industry have tried to talk to him, too.

As they continued to speak, I noticed a desperation in their voices.  They seemed to have it all worked out and proceeded to explain to me, how great it would be.  But I discerned that it was all self-motivated.

Me:  I apologize, but neither one of you honor or value him for WHO he is. You've treated him as common, when God has called him blessed.  I'm not saying that he is better than either one of you, I'm just saying that you guys STILL don't get it!

It was at that point that they started to plead with me and I began to feel really uncomfortable.  But when they offered me money, it sparked this RAGE inside of me that I can't quite explain.

Me:  How dare you insult my integrity.  I would never take a penny from either one of you, nor from anyone else for that matter.  You can't put a price tag on his anointing.  Don't you ever contact me again!

I got up, threw money down on the table and walked away!

They were yelling for me to come back and Paul screamed...

Yeah, that's what we thought... you haven't changed 'Tahnee,' referring to my stage name when I was a stripper.

I ran to my car completely shaken, as tears rolled down my face.


"A time to mourn and a time to dance." ~King Solomon


A year or so later...

I was at Barnes and Noble doing some last minute Christmas shopping.  I grabbed a book and headed to the third floor to get some coffee and enjoy the lights.  As I approached the balcony, I noticed Paul sitting there having coffee and eating pringles.  I tried to avoid him but it was too late, he saw me...

Paul:  Hey Farfalla, how are you?  Will you sit down for a minute, please?

Feeling a bit uneasy, I reluctantly sat down.

As I sat down I noticed something in his eyes that seemed different? Or maybe it was just the first time, that I had ever seen him with his hair pulled back away from his face?!

I listened to him as he began to share the heartache that he was going through.  I couldn't hold back the tears, as I listened to him.  I could see the humbleness in his eyes and I could hear it in his voice.  I told him that I was sorry for his loss.

He reached across the table to touch my hand.

My mind was saying, "Don't touch me" but my heart was saying, "Pray for him."

It was then and there that I felt like this was the biggest test of my FAITH, ever!

The man that caused so much pain, the one who hurt the one that I love and the one that I considered to be the enemy for so long, was asking me to pray for him?

My heart was pounding hard and fast.

I just grabbed ahold of his hand and began to pray... Tears started flowing, years of heartache and pain, words unspoken, touching our hearts, bonding us together in forgiveness and peace, through LOVE, in Jesus name.

He was squeezing my hand so tight and we were both crying.  By the time I was done praying my arm was completely numb.  As I opened my eyes, all I could see was a blurred vision of our arms laying upon the table.


"a threefold cord is not quickly broken." ~King Solomon


That is when I realized...

He and I, were the two broken arms that I had seen in my vision a few years earlier.  I was completely speechless.

Paul:  Farfalla, do you remember shortly after we met, I had a dream of all of us being in paradise.  You were standing at the shore and were begging all of us to get in the water, but none of us would get in.  I asked you what the dream meant.  Do you remember what you told me?

Me:  That was over two decades ago... what did I say?

Paul:  You told me that the "water" represented healing and refreshing, like a new beginning.  I'll never forget that.  It didn't make sense back then because we were all friends and we were all together.  But it makes perfect sense, now.  I finally get it.  I finally understand what you've been saying, all of these years. 

I was totally crying as he continued...

I never meant to hurt him, we were young and... I just want the opportunity to tell him in person that I'm sorry.

Me:  Paul, if you feel led to go, then go.  You may be surprised at the outcome?

Paul:  I can't.  You know every time I've tried to approach him, those people have stopped me.

Me:  Paul, Listen to me... "those" people can try but they CANNOT stop the will of God.

He squeezed me tight as we headed out the door.

Paul:  You know what, girl?  You've always had the power to turn the heart of the king.

Me:  Well, it's not me but the power of the Holy Spirit, inside of me.

Paul:  Maybe?  Hey, do you remember our three way "together forever" handshake we used to do?

Me:  Hahaha!  How could I forget?  Remember that none of us would ever say the word "goodbye".

Paul:  Oh yeah... c-ya later.

We both laughed, hugged each other and then went our separate ways.


"a time to love and a time to hate." ~King Solomon


Shortly after I got home x called me.  He began to tell me about the Spiritual experience he had just experienced, onstage that night...

my leg was bothering me and i couldn't run around as much, so i skipped the next song and went straight over to the piano.  as soon as i sat down and started to play, it began to rain and all of the sudden i had this out of body experience.  it took me way back to when we were first starting out.  it was so pure and surreal...

I listened intently, as chills went up and down my spine.

i can't explain it?  but i feel refreshed and restored.  how long have you been a part of this?

A part of what?

i saw you there... the past, the present and the future.  i've searched for loyalty my whole life and you've always been there.

And at that very moment, I felt as if I was standing upon the shore and they were all walking towards the water.

to everything there is a season and time for every purpose under heaven, right?

Yes... for He has made everything beautiful in its time.

well hold on beautiful, it's almost time.


"A time for war and a time for peace." ~King Solomon



Bon Jovi ~ Never Say Goodbye


"never say goodbye
never say goodbye
you and me and my old friends
hopin' it would never end"






Saturday, November 8, 2014

Powder Blue

"a bird touches your soul unlike any other"... x


My sweet Powder Blue
I will forever miss you
you brought paradise into my life
for a brief moment in time
your emerald eyes
sparkled through my soul
and touched a part of me, unknown
clothed in purple wings
like royal robes from heaven
you humbled me
and brought me closer to the throne
I will miss your songs in the morning
your chatter in the evenings
your big personality
and childlike innocence
now silence fills these walls
and my soul is cast down
as my eyes ring the blues
and my heart slowly bleeds
I'm left here to grieve
a loss I can't explain
that destroyed a piece of me
O my precious baby Powder
I am so sorry
I wasn't there
to protect you
suffocating in sadness
I will never hear you say
"I love you"
for now you are in heaven
a messenger in my dreams
revealing His majesty
and comforting me as I sleep
I can't wait to hold you again
Someday
I must believe
but until then
I have your little brother
his name is 'Shadow Blue'
in honor of you
a gentle spirit
he loves to praise and worship
the King
I am sure you can hear him sing
making beautiful music
in memory of you

Goodbye, my sweet Powder Blue
I will forever love you.


"in the night His song shall be with me" ~King David





Tesla ~ Paradise



"My sweet paradise
you are the reason why
it tears me up inside
and I break down and cry
didn't wanna say
goodbye paradise"



Saturday, May 24, 2014

Tablets of Life

"Do not be afraid, stand firm and you will see" ~Moses


Born into a secret paradise
hidden from the world's eyes
for three months
until I took you
to a sacred palace
in a foreign land
far away
with no name of your own
and no claim to the throne
and they wonder why
you have no name
and they question why
dates and names were changed
and they whisper
to whom does he belong?
stamped
top secret
no identity
confidential agreement
records concealed
silence creeps in
lips are sealed
what shall you say?
honor your father
follow the script
follow the script
don't waiver
from what you were given
for it is the tablets of life
haunted
by the ghost in the mirror
haunted
by their questions
living a life of obscurity
wanting to run and hide
but called to be seen
draw forth
climb the mountain
there's a burning bush
there's a burning bush
turn aside
and see this great sight
don't pass by your destiny
listen to His voice
take off your sandals
and stand on holy ground
for you are called
a prophet
a leader
appointed
anointed
with no words to speak
fearing your own abilities
afraid to speak
a deliverer
what's in your hand
what's in your hand
use the gift you were given
it shall do the signs
don't hide your face
for glory is upon it
lift up your eyes
let the feathers fall
allow your guitar to prophesy
the lyrics shall clarify
part your lips and sing
strike the water
and He'll part the sea
cross through
'til you reach the other side
endure the wilderness
and step into the land
the land of milk and honey
do not fear who you are
for your claim to fame
is through His name
"I am who I AM"


"Stretch out your hand toward heaven" ~God



Janita ~ Haunted (starring the young dove)


"Coming from my hidden world
through doors that I've closed
across bridges I've burned"



Saturday, April 26, 2014

Your Lullaby

Baby, what do you see?


Dream baby Dream
as far as your eyes can see
Did you know
that you were born
the son of a King?

Dream baby Dream
kneel before you sleep
Wrap yourself in all His love
and don't forget
to thank the Lord above

Dream baby Dream
lift your voice and sing
Use your talent
to bless the rest
and do your very best

Remember this always
Don't be afraid
to follow his lead
release the songs you're creating
'cause music is everything

Baby, don't be sad...
For you are NOT the forgotten son
You are the beautiful one
The gifted one
For you are the APPOINTED one

O my baby dove
Do you know
you're a precious soul
and how much
I love you so?

So, Dream baby Dream
As far as your eyes can see
Don't ever give up
'cause you are never too big
to Dream baby Dream


Do not fret my son,
for your time shall surely come.




Elton John ~ Your Song


"I know it's not much
but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song
and this one's for you."


Friday, March 14, 2014

Crimson and Clover

A new season, a new reason to believe.


It was February 2010, when I had a series of dreams about him.  They all seemed to have the same theme, which was some sort of celebration.  I will share a brief synopsis of what I saw.

We got out of a vehicle as cameras began flashing and I couldn't see.  I grabbed ahold of his arm and tucked my head into his chest, as we ran inside.  He was being honored at this event, but I wasn't sure what it was for?  As I looked around at the crowd of people and the beautiful decor, I asked him, "Why is everything green?"  And he said, "Because it's almost March 17th... St. Patrick's Day."

A week later, I dreamt that we were on the beach and it looked like we were part of a wedding party.  We were standing at an outside bar and I noticed a woman holding his hand.  She was gorgeous and looked like a model.  She was tall and thin, with long light brown hair that was flowing.  She had delicate eyes and a kind hearted smile.  I looked down and noticed that he didn't have shoes on and there was a song sheet tattooed on his right foot.

A few nights after that, I had another dream and we were at a beautiful reception, there were many pools and hills surrounding this place.  Both of his sons were playing instruments and singing at the reception.  It was glorious day.

I was excited and happy for him.  I knew he was about to enter into a season of celebration, because I was aware of the Biblical symbolic meaning of what I saw.

Green = Prosperity/Provision

Wedding = Celebration/Promise/Covenant
Holding hands = Agreement
No shoes = Holy ground
Right = Power/Authority
Foot = Your Walk/Heart
Tattoo = Mark
Song Sheet = Song in his heart
Pools = Healing
Hills = Exalted/Overcoming obstacles
Instruments = Worship
Singing = Praise

There was just ONE problem?


At the time, he was in a long-term relationship with his girlfriend and was very much in love.  But the woman that I saw in my dream, wasn't his girlfriend?




Tommy James and The Shondells ~ Crimson and Clover


Who is she, I thought?  I didn't understand what God was trying to tell me, so I kept praying and asking questions.  Shortly after, God began giving me more dreams and I saw what was about to transpire.  

One thing was clear, his heart was about to be broken and would be put on display, for the whole world to see.

I didn't know what to do?  I didn't want to see him get hurt, but I also saw the BLESSING that God had waiting for him.  I felt such an aching burden in my heart and I cried for him.


I knew God wanted me to encourage him during this time, but what do you say???

"I know you said you would never get married again, but guess what... God has the perfect woman for you, but it's not your girlfriend."

or how about...


"I know you're in love, but she's gonna break your heart and you're not going to be together.  Oh, but don't worry, you'll meet the woman of your dreams shortly after and you'll be happy."

Ugh!  I didn't want to sound jealous or hateful towards his current girlfriend, but at the same time I felt biased, because I already knew what was coming.  So all I could do was encourage him and pray.

I prayed that God would heal his brokenness and heartache and that He would bring this new woman into his life, quickly.  I prayed that she would be a Proverbs 31 woman, that she would honor him, and be a good stepmom to his children.

Soon after, he met the woman of his dreams (or was that my dreams), and they fell in love.  ;)


Sometimes, I wish we could all SEE what God has planned for us.  It would make it so much easier to let go of our own plans and also help ease the pain we are going through.  But then again, I guess we wouldn't need faith?

It's been 4 years, since I had those dreams.

On March 15, 2014 (two days before St. Patrick's Day), they will be married.

You can call it LUCK... but I know it is FATE.


"Who can find a virtuous wife, for her worth is far above rubies."


Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Nikki Sixx.  I'm so happy for both of you.

Heaven is SMILING down upon you and celebrating along with you, today.

May you continually adorn yourselves in Faith, Hope, and Love.

I love you!



Sixx:A.M. ~ Smile


"and all my life
I've been waiting
for someone like you
to make me smile
you make me feel alive"



Highlights of Nikki and Courtney's DREAM wedding.



Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Sweetest Valentine

"And all I can taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life"


"if heaven really exists
and that's where you're gonna be
then that's where i wanna spend
all of eternity"... x


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!


"And sooner or later it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight" 




Goo Goo Dolls ~ Iris


"And I'd give up forever
to touch you
'Cause I know
that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven
that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home
right now"