Saturday, December 24, 2011

What child IS this?

"come here, i wanna show you something"... x

Gaze into his eyes
the intro lies within
Deep inside
the chorus resides

Your reflection is the melody
upon his face
My lips, Your eyes
the bridge

A Miracle
verse by verse

Do you believe?
Do you perceive?
He is the instrumental solo
that makes our song complete

A son
A king
A testament
A masterpiece


The music we've created.

"it's not about you or me, it's about 'us' in him"... x

A child IS the most precious gift and miracle, 

sent from Heaven above.

A child changes a lot of things...

But THIS child, changed everything.



Merry CHRISTmas and Happy New Year!

"This, This is Christ the King"

Kevin Max ~ Greensleeves/What child is this?

*feathers 12.22

Thursday, November 17, 2011

November REIGN

A song can live in your heart... forever!

I LOVE when it rains. The rain has always reminded me of God's BLESSINGS pouring down from Heaven.  He said, "I will give you the former rain and the latter rain."

I believe the rainy season IS one of the best times to CREATE.  I have always felt inspired to write, when it rains.  It's cold outside but cozy at the same time.  I love to light candles, sit in front of the fireplace with coffee, tea or hot chocolate, listen to the raindrops and write.

At other times, I will just close my eyes and listen to music.  There are so many BEAUTIFUL songs written about rain.   Some of my favorites are...
'Kentucky Rain' by Elvis Presley, 'Purple Rain' by Prince, 'Fire and Rain' by James Taylor, 'Songs about Rain' by Gary Allan, 'She's my kind of rain' by Tim McGraw, 'Healing Rain' by Michael W. Smith, etc.

I could go on and on, but the ONE that I love the most is... 'November Rain' by Guns N' Roses.

I don't think we have fully grasped the true POWER of music and how it can affect us, change us and heal us.  Music heals our soul DEEP within.

I have found that if I read a quote, it might feel good for a moment and then it's gone.  If I hear a great message, I may remember parts of it and soon after, it will fade away and disappear.  But, a song can live in my heart FOREVER!  It doesn't matter how many years pass by, I will remember it.

Songs breathe inside of us and our heart SINGS them.  They are like SECRET love letters to our soul.

"Speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs"

I thought, what if every time we spoke to one another, we sang a song instead?  Hmm... wouldn't that be interesting???  Our conversations would be completely different.

"you're like a candle, soft, delicate, peaceful, and bright"... x

Only a handful of people know this about me, but I also like to write back and/or talk back to songs.  I could be driving in my car and a song will come on the radio and I will answer back to the song.

Let me see if I can explain this?  Let's say,
'Purple Rain' by Prince comes on the radio...

"I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain"

I may respond to the song by saying, "I never meant to cause you any sorrow or pain either!"  Or depending on what I'm going through at the time, I may say something like... "Well, you did!"  haha

I know it sounds funny, but it IS actually great therapy and very HEALING.  You wouldn't believe what might come out of your HEART and how it effects your inner being.  You may even find yourself writing a song, within a song.

So, since today IS the 17th of November, I decided to show you a sample of me writing back to a song... 
through November Rain!

"i can't do this alone, i need to know that you're with me 100%"... x


When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained 
Yes, because of all the hurt and pain
But darlin' when I hold you, don't you know I feel the same? yeah
Yes, because you too know the pain... we are one in the same
Nothin' lasts forever and we both know hearts can change
Love never fails... one person just quits and gives up
And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain
Not when the two become one... one to hold the candle and one to cover the flame
We've been through this such a long, long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain, ooh yeah
Much too long... the pain will subside when true love arrives
But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today, walking away
True love never leaves you... never lets go... and never walks away
And if we take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine, all mine
. .... ...

Ok, well, I thought I could post the entire song but it IS much too personal. I think you get my point, though?!  ;)

"i've never met anyone that loves, the way you love"... x


What always was... IS... and will always be!

Monday, October 31, 2011


"But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game"... The Rolling Stones

I had a date with the devil
Exciting, I must admit
He is quite charming
I was fooled by his flirtatious ways

Temptation so intense
Gratification for a season
Admiration he will give
For a time and a reason

This date lasted for years
Enticed by his eyes
Hypnotized in the garden
As I spiraled into a horrific pit

He twisted my thoughts
Confused my mind
Tied me up
Captured my heart

Quite crafty, I'd say
Smooth is his tongue
Sweet like honey
Dripping with bitterness and lies

Sorrow upon sorrow
A cloud I couldn't escape
His shadow surrounded me
As I became enslaved

Planting evil seeds
Crippling my walk
If I continued to entertain him
He would seal my fate

Eve made the same mistake
Conversing with the FLYing serpent
In what he wants you to believe

Sentenced to life
I paid the price for love
Found the KEY
And planned my escape

"i'll come get you when you're ready, cross my heart"... x

I shut him down
Closed him out
Reversed the curse
I finally figured him out

You want to desolate my future
Sly motive, so you think?
Go ahead, spit in my face
It's really Jesus, you SEE

My voice shall overpower you
As I speak truth and life, in His name
No more guilt, no more shame
Double honor and majesty, I shall gain

Face the MUSIC
Your EMPTY words can't hold me
I'm no longer confined to a cage
Through your jealousy and rage

You're FASCINATED with butterflies
Respect and glory you crave
I've got your number, I know your game
I didn't deserve you and you NEVER deserved me

You're a counterfeit
Clever maybe but not the KING!
You're just a mask disguised as a lover
On the face of a Pharaoh

Listen... can you hear the SOUND?
Oh, how you'd love to stop it
Now you're the one who's petrified
Does it STING to lose control?

Excuse me, Lucifer
I didn't hear you
Did you feel the atmosphere shift?
Get out of my way...

The song is DESTINY
Don't forget to SAVE the date
Seven / Seventeen
Do you know my NAME?

"there's no doubt in my mind,
whatever you have to do,
just take care of it, before I return"... x

The Rolling Stones ~ Sympathy for the devil

"O Lucifer, son of the morning!

How you are cut down to the ground."

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Forgive... Photo by Nikki Sixx

One thing, that I love about Nikki's photography, is his ability to capture the mind, body, and soul, in one photograph.  Many people have asked me, what my favorite photo is from his latest book, 'This is Gonna Hurt.'  The photo that I posted above, is the one that resonated in my heart the most.

It touched me so deeply, not only on a personal level but on a spiritual level, as well.  It was as if, he had reached deep within my soul, pulled on my heart strings, and released the sound that's inside of me.  This photo spoke to my heart.  It not only reminded me of myself, but it also reminded me of what Jesus suffered and sacrificed on the cross, for us.

I love how Nikki will push us to the edge, through his photography and cause a reaction to what we SEE, through his "distorted" lens.  It may make some people uncomfortable, it may seem twisted, scary, and even beautiful... all at the same.  Whether those faces that he photographs are homeless, drug addicts, hookers, children playing, or lovers at a cafe, that he captured somewhere along the way.

Nikki's photography will cause you to FEEL more, than what you see.  I often times imagine what their lives must be like and several emotions run through my veins, as I look at his photographs.

None of us will walk through this life unscathed.  From childhood to adulthood, we will all suffer scars.  Some that we are born with, some that others have caused and some that we caused ourselves.  We can nurse our scars over and over.  We can continually rip them open and never allow them to heal, or we can choose to forgive, love others and love ourselves.

Forgiveness is easier said than done, I know.  When people we love and trust, maliciously use us or hurt us, we can carry the scars around forever.  We can feel sorry for ourselves, feel like we were cheated in life, be filled with sadness, regret, shame, hate, and/or anger.  But in the end we are only robbing ourselves of true happiness and love, if we choose not to forgive.

Scars may be what we carry, but it's NOT who we are!  We all have the power to choose to love others, through our hurt and pain.  

You SEE, it's not what happens to us in life, but what happens through us... that makes the difference!

"Angel and Cross" Brisbane, Australia ~ Photo by Nikki Sixx

My whole life, not only have I carried around my own scars that life has dealt me, but I have also carried the scars of others, through what I SEE.  I have carried this burden or scars, if you will... through the GIFT of dreams.

It hasn't been easy and often times I would find myself looking in the mirror and contemplating, if it is even worth it?  Struggling with my own doubts and fears, it's something that has caused me great pain and heartache, throughout my life.

At times, I feel like it's a beautiful gift and at other times it feels more like a curse.  From being called crazy, to being made fun of, and people's disbelief in God and the power of dreams... it has been a very hurtful experience.

My mind is often restless, as my heart ponders the dreams and sometimes it is quite overwhelming, to SEE all that I see.

Years ago I asked God, "What am I supposed to do, with what I'm seeing?" His answer to me was... "PRAY and I will show you things to come."

I had a choice to make...

I could either trust Him and believe, or I could close the door to my dreams and forget about them, forever.  I chose to lay down my PRIDE, pray, and try to help those in need.  Once I yielded my heart towards Heaven, my dreams became stronger.

I began to appreciate my gift and I realized the blessings, of being able to have a "Sneak Peek" into what The Kingdom of Heaven is up to! ;)

Throughout 2009 and 2010, many of the dreams that I was having were about Nikki, James, and DJ, and the music that they were creating.  It was so intense that I often joked around and said, "Sixx:A.M. is the Topic of Conversation in Heaven or Trending in the Heavenlies."  haha

On November 20th, 2009... I was awoken in the middle of the night by a dream. What transpired in my dream was so POWERFUL and breathtaking!  I couldn't shake it and I couldn't stop it from replaying, over and over in my mind.

I won't post the dream, in order to protect their privacy... but I was in Awe at what I SAW and HEARD.

This is part of what I wrote, about the dream...

"For His glory shines upon your face as a resemblance of Him.  As a mirrored image of the King.  His blood is upon your lips and upon your fingertips.  For He has given you the KEY, to unlock the SOUND that will HEAL the SCARS on the backs of mankind.

The ink is silver and the sound is inexpressible!  It's somewhere between the KEY of teardrops and raindrops.  It IS quite chilling!!!  It shall attract and entice this generation and bring a SMILE upon the face of the world." *Exalted................

The CD 'This is Gonna Hurt' by Sixx:A.M. was released on May 3, 2011.  I'm not exactly sure how they created this sound???  But I believe, that they YIELDED their hearts towards Heaven and allowed the sound to be downloaded into their souls.

I am so thankful, that they chose to lay down their own scars, for the world to SEE.  For bringing about awareness, and for touching others, through the HEALING power of their music, books, and photography.  But most of all... for the SACRIFICES they've made and for the LOVE they possess!

When I first heard 'SKIN' in REAL time (hehe), I had goose bumps all over and I couldn't control the tears that were flowing down my face.

I don't know about you, but it sure sounds like the perfect KEY, between teardrops and raindrops, to me?!  ;)

It IS the most BEAUTIFUL sound of healing SCARS... on the world's HEART and mine!

What do you hear?

Sixx:A.M. ~ Skin ~ Written by James Michael and Blair Daly


Nikki, James, and DJ... I'm so proud of ALL of you!  I LOVE YOU!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Guard your Heart

The knife can't penetrate the HEAR*T when the CROSS is covering it.

Don't listen to the critics
For they will soon be his converts

Don't allow the evilness
Penetrate thine heart

Don't digest the jealousy and hate
For the world is filled with sorrow and pain

Don't believe what they say about him
For out of his shadow, you shall emerge

You are beautiful
A dreamer, just like him

They will soon see
All that you've known

They will soon feel
All that you've been shown

For you are the seed
The spirit of Harod tried to destroy

Barrenness no more
A prodigy is born

Grasp ahold of your inheritance
Royalty is in your DNA

Allow the Spirit to rise up within you
For your time shall surely come

It doesn't matter what it looks like
It only matters what the King of kings says

The table is being set
For a prophetic generation

The seat is being prepared
High upon the throne

He will raise him up
As the world stands in Awe

He will clothe him
In splendor and glory

Follow his lead
Honor him and believe

For you are the song...

He will release
Upon the wind

It shall be carried
Upon angel's wings

Unconditional love
He found in thee

A sound that will turn their hearts
And return the prodigals home

Therefore, continue in peace and love
And all that he has instilled in thee

Do not allow them to steal your identity
For you are the son of a King

Above all else.

"For out of it spring the issues of life." ~King Solomon

Elvis Presley ~ If I can Dream

"but as long as a man
has the strength to dream
he can redeem his soul and fly"

*feathers forevermore 12.22

Monday, September 19, 2011

Sami the Fly

"who gives a F@#$ about her?"... x

What's the matter Sami?
Weren't you the one, that was having all the fun?
Spending your precious time, on my dime
Taking trips, being wined and dined

What happened to your crown, Sami?
You know... the one you stole
Do you not recall
The secret plot of lies, you told?

How many shots of J├Ąger does it take
To drink away your shame, Sami?
Take another look in the mirror
Is it hard to smile through the pain?

Oh Sami, didn't you know?
Aren't flies usually attracted to shit?
Now you're stricken with sickness, in the bed you tainted
Isn't it ironic, how fast things can shift?

Do you remember, when you used to laugh at me?
Yes, I'm the crazy one... the one that prays and believes
But your wings are transparent and boring, Sami
You bare the scars, you can't fool me

You're dying to get out and be the fly you used to be
But you can't escape the pit you're in 
Now the bottles your only friend
You're down to your last drop and your life is dim

Wake up Sami, a six pack is never enough
Some other "barfly" will come along, before too long
And you'll reap what you sow
Go ahead take that shot of gin, cuz it rhymes with your sin

Flies are nothing but a distraction and a curse
They are quite annoying, wouldn't you say, Sami?
I forgive you and I still pray for you, 
But most of all... I thank you

Oh Sami, now I'm the one that's laughing
I escaped the chrysalis
My wings are colorful, unique
And full of life

Now you live in torment
And I'm at peace
So have another drink on me, Sami
For I am finally... FREE

"don't worry i'll find you, cuz now you glow"... x

Guns N' Roses ~ Sorry

"Truth is the truth hurts
Don't you agree?
It's harder to live with the truth about you,
Then to live with the lies about me."

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Seed to Believe

"you're putting our destiny on hold by not going through with this"... x

It was 3:00am on a cold winter night, as I was heading down the backstreet alley in West Hollywood.  I started approaching the old dark building and I felt this eerie chill go up and down my spine.  I could see the long line of people waiting outside to get in.  I passed by the crowd in slow motion.  I captured each face as I passed them by and they all seemed somber and tormented.  I recognized many of their faces but I appeared to be invisible to them.

I felt nauseous the closer I got to the front of the door.  I couldn't see inside, but I had to believe that he was in there.  I was told, that it would be the hardest decision I would ever make.  It would cost me all that I had and all that I knew, if I went inside.  It would be a very painful process and once inside, I could never go back to my home or my old life.

Fear and sadness gripped me with every step I took, towards the door.  I felt the sting of pain and loss running through my veins.  Tears rolled down my face as I kept repeating to myself... "A time to mourn and a time to dance."

I knew, that I couldn't skip over the mourning season and I couldn't skip over the pain.  I was facing it and it was killing me!  I felt like this season was never going to end.  I was so weak but I knew I had to go through the process of the pain, in order to reach the other side.

I had to believe, what I could not see!

"No matter what color your skin, rich or poor... pain is not prejudiced"

I approached the door and the bouncer said, "You can't enter, it's too late."  I said, "No, it's never too late... let me in."  He replied, "I can't let you in, the dead are there."  He removed the rope to allow a guy with long blonde hair and tattoos, inside.  I turned around and noticed a girl (with long brown hair), holding onto his arm.  I sensed something immoral about her.  I said to the guy, "Don't go in there, it's not too late, don't believe what he's telling you." I took the woman's hand and removed it from his arm... Listen to me, turn around and run."  I said.  He was just staring at me with a blank stare.  It was like he was unable to hear what I was saying and he began approaching the door, anyway.

It was then that I realized who he was and I yelled... "Vincent, turn around in the name of Jesus Christ."  He spun around and glared at me with evilness in his eyes.  He grabbed both of my arms and started shaking me and screaming in my face... "Why does God hate me? Why does He hate me?"  I was crying hysterically and I began pleading with him... "He doesn't hate you... He loves you... don't believe them... He has forgiven you, He loves you!"  He then said, "If I go, you can never stop praying for me, NEVER!  Do you understand me???  I can't do this anymore!"  I said, "I promise!  I will never stop praying for you, no matter what... now go!"  He took off and started running down the street.

The bouncer was pissed off and he called for more security to come and have me removed from outside of the building.  I ran down the street and grabbed my friends and said, "I'm going inside, I have to believe he's in there... I need you to start praying for me and for all of those inside.  Pray for everyone in line too and tell them to leave!  As soon as I'm inside, come in and start speaking life and praying out loud with me."  I then ran back to the front of the door and the guard yelled, "I told you to get out of here."  I said, "Move out of my way, in Jesus Name."  He froze for a second and I took that opportunity to run inside.

As soon as I got inside, I couldn't see anything.  I began coughing from the stench of vomit, urine, and rotting bones.  I covered my mouth and nose with my shirt and reached into my purse to grab my cell phone, so I could see.  I noticed a text message on my phone that read, "you will never look at life the same, ever again!"

My eyes were stinging, as I began flashing my phone (like a flashlight), through all of the bodies lying lifeless on the ground.  I began praying out loud, as loud as I could.  I kept scanning the crowd, but I couldn't find him. "He has to be here, he has to be here"... I kept repeating to myself.

Finally, I saw a flash of his cross (that his father gave him), around his neck and I started running towards him.  I ran up to him and got on my knees and started praying.  I put his lifeless head on my lap and I removed his beautiful red locks, from his face.  I knew he was gone, but I began to pray and believe anyway.

I commanded every assignment from the enemy to be removed.  I prayed that life would return to him and that death couldn't hold him, in Jesus Name.  I started praying louder and louder and all of the sudden he started coughing and spitting up blood.  I began to cry and kept praying and thanking God.

My friends entered the building and I could hear them begin to pray for everyone.  I started shouting and commanding all of the evil forces to loose everyone in the room.  

"my sweet child of mine, let me lay it on the line"... x

Suddenly a light in the building came on and it was shining down upon him.  I looked around the room and I could see people moving.  I heard the moans and weeping, from all of the men and women in the room.  I yelled to my friends, "Help all of them get out of here."  They started shuffling through the people, to help them out the door.  I kept praying out loud, as loud as I possibly could.

I then began telling him how much I loved him, that I would give my life for him.  I told him that he's my blessing, my rainbow and my promise from God.  I helped him up and I wrapped his trench coat around him.  I thanked Jesus for the light and for the MIRACLE of life.

We started heading towards the door and I noticed that all of the people that had been standing in line, were gone.  We began walking down the street and it was at that point, that I realized what the text on my phone had meant.

"I would never look at life the same, ever again!"  I could never look back, I could not return to my old life and all that I once knew, was gone.  I had to hold onto the promise and let go of the pain.  I was scared and I didn't know where to go?  All I knew is, that I needed to keep walking in faith.

I kept thanking God for the gift of life, as we were walking down the sidewalk and then I looked up...

That's when I saw his Ferrari coming around the corner and I screamed, "x... x... I went through with it... Our seed IS alive!"

Today... we are closer than we have ever been.

Would you be willing to give up everything you have, for something you couldn't see?  Would you be willing to risk your life, to save another soul?

We all go through heartache and pain, it is one of the loneliest walks we have to take in life.  Betrayal and separation from those you love and trust, is one of the hardest things to face.  No one else can walk through the pain for us.  We have to make that choice to keep walking forward, no matter what our circumstance.

It may appear that darkness and death is all around us.  You may not be able to SEE how anything good could possibly come out of your situation, trust me I know.  But we can't give up and think that it's too late for us.  We need to hold onto hope and keep focusing on the Light, no matter how bleak or dark it may appear.

It may feel, as though we are invisible and no one understands what we're going through but we need to keep fighting.  We need to speak life into the death of our pain.  We also need to remember to help and pray for others along the way, because we don't know the pain that they may be facing, either.  The hardest part is making the decision, to let go.  We can't walk into our future, if we're holding onto our past. 

If nothing good ever came out of pain, then we wouldn't have so many beautiful songs.  You might discover your greatest treasure, in the darkest moment in your life.  Have faith that your DESTINY is right around the corner.

BELIEVE, that it's your season to dance!

x ~ I respect you and I love you!!!

I listened to all three versions of the song.  I told you that the original one, is the crying one.  Don't change the lyrics! ;)

*Faith, Hope, and Love