Friday, March 14, 2014

Crimson and Clover

A new season, a new reason to believe.

It was February 2010, when I had a series of dreams about him.  They all seemed to have the same theme, which was some sort of celebration.  I will share a brief synopsis of what I saw.

We got out of a vehicle as cameras began flashing and I couldn't see.  I grabbed ahold of his arm and tucked my head into his chest, as we ran inside.  He was being honored at this event, but I wasn't sure what it was for?  As I looked around at the crowd of people and the beautiful decor, I asked him, "Why is everything green?"  And he said, "Because it's almost March 17th... St. Patrick's Day."

A week later, I dreamt that we were on the beach and it looked like we were part of a wedding party.  We were standing at an outside bar and I noticed a woman holding his hand.  She was gorgeous and looked like a model.  She was tall and thin, with long light brown hair, that was flowing.  She had delicate eyes and a kind hearted smile.  I looked down and noticed that he didn't have shoes on and there was a song sheet tattooed on his right foot.

A few nights after that, I had another dream and we were at a beautiful reception, there were many pools and hills surrounding the place.  Both of his sons were playing instruments and singing at the reception.  It was glorious day.

I was excited and happy for him.  I knew he was about to enter into a season of celebration, because I was aware of the Biblical symbolic meaning of what I saw.

Green = Prosperity/Provision

Wedding = Celebration/Promise/Covenant
Holding hands = Agreement
No shoes = Holy ground
Right = Power/Authority
Foot = Your Walk/Heart
Tattoo = Mark
Song Sheet = Song in his heart
Pools = Healing
Hills = Exalted/Overcoming obstacles
Instruments = Worship
Singing = Praise

There was just ONE problem?

At the time, he was in a long-term relationship with his girlfriend and was very much in love.  But the woman I saw in my dream, wasn't his girlfriend?

Tommy James and The Shondells ~ Crimson and Clover

Who is she, I thought?  I didn't understand what God was trying to tell me, so I kept praying and asking questions.  Shortly after, God began giving me more dreams and I saw what was about to transpire.  

One thing was clear, his heart was about to be broken and would be put on display, for the whole world to see.

I didn't know what to do?  I didn't want to see him get hurt, but I also saw the BLESSING that God had waiting for him.  I felt such an aching burden in my heart and I cried for him.

I knew God wanted me to encourage him during this time, but what do you say???

"I know you said you would never get married again, but guess what... God has the perfect woman for you, but it's not your girlfriend."

Or how about...

"I know you're in love, but she's gonna break your heart and you're not going to be together.  Oh, but don't worry, you'll meet the woman of your dreams, shortly after and you'll be happy."

Ugh!  I didn't want to sound jealous or hateful towards his current girlfriend, but at the same time I felt biased, because I already knew what was coming.  So all I could do was encourage him and pray.

I prayed that God would heal his brokenness and heartache and that He would bring this new woman into his life, quickly.  I prayed that she would be a Proverbs 31 woman, that she would honor him, and be a good stepmom to his children.

Soon after, he met the woman of his dreams (or was that my dreams), and they fell in love.  ;)

Sometimes, I wish we could all SEE what God has planned for us.  It would make it so much easier to let go of our own plans, and also help ease the pain we're going through.  But then again, I guess we wouldn't need faith?

It's been 4 years, since I had those dreams.

On March 15, 2014 (two days before St. Patrick's Day), they will be married.

You can call it LUCK... but I know it is FATE.

"Who can find a virtuous wife, for her worth is far above rubies."

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Nikki Sixx.  I'm so happy for both of you.

Heaven is SMILING down upon you and celebrating along with you, today.

May you continually adorn yourselves in Faith, Hope, and Love.

I love you!

Sixx:A.M. ~ Smile

"and all my life
I've been waiting
for someone like you
to make me smile
you make me feel alive"

Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Sweetest Valentine

"And all I can taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life"

"if heaven really exists
and that's where you're gonna be
then that's where i wanna spend
all of eternity"... x


"And sooner or later it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight" 

Goo Goo Dolls ~ Iris

"And I'd give up forever
to touch you
'Cause I know
that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven
that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home
right now"

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

With all the trimmings

"in the middle of the night, your words inspire me"... x

It was about a month ago at 5:00am, when I was awoken by my phone ringing.  Startled and half asleep, I answered it.

hey, are you awake?
No, well, yes... is everything alright?
can't sleep, insomnia is killin' me and these panic attacks.
Let me pray for you.
yeah sure, but I need you to come here.
Umm... OK
i just emailed you the itinerary.
Are you sure, you're alright?
yeah, i just... i just need you here, for a few days.

The following day I hopped on a plane.  I stared out the window most of the flight and prayed...

"Lord, please protect him and keep him safe.  Thank you, for allowing me to be able to visit him.  Dear Lord, You told me to serve him, so show me how I may serve him best, while I'm there."

I arrived that afternoon.  It was my first time at his new place, since he had moved.  As I walked in, I was in awe of the beautiful view and all of the windows.  I walked around and admired the open space.  It was gorgeous.

I walked down the hall towards the bedrooms and went into his room. Suddenly, I felt the atmosphere shift and it felt a bit stuffy in there.  I glanced around and noticed boxes of things, that hadn't been put away and there was stuff everywhere.  I then walked out and entered his home studio and I felt the same thing, something was amiss?

I heard him scream my name, so I walked towards the sound of his voice and entered the living room.  He was curled up on the floor, in like a fetal position.  I ran over to him, to see if he was alright and he said he'd been trying to sleep for days and his stomach was killing him.  I told him, that I would make him some soup, to settle his stomach and I grabbed all the Alka-Seltzer that was next to him.  "You can't drink this stuff like water, it isn't good for you." I said.

I headed towards the kitchen and started making some soup.  After he ate the soup, we chatted for a bit, but I could tell that he didn't feel well.  I told him to lay down on the couch, I then laid my right hand on his rib cage and I prayed over him.  Soon after he fell asleep.

It was quiet and no one else was there, so I went into the kitchen and grabbed some olive oil.  I walked around his place and anointed all the windows and doors and prayed in every room of his house.

A few hours had passed, when his assistant arrived.  I went to greet her and I made us some coffee.  We talked and laughed, as we shared stories about the kids and the animals.  I then offered, to help her clean out his bedroom and studio.  I told her, that I didn't mind doing it and I knew she had more important things to take care of.  She agreed and said I could go ahead and clean out the two rooms.

I wanted to declutter his bedroom and studio, because those are the two most CREATIVE rooms in his house.  His MUSIC and DREAMS are created there.

It took me hours, but I washed, organized and straightened up, everything. He slept the entire time and I was happy, that he got the rest he needed.  It also gave me the opportunity, to get everything done.

The next day, he said he felt great.  It was pouring rain outside, so we stayed in all day.  I made his favorite pasta dish and chocolate chip cookies. We spent the entire day talking, eating, laughing, and watching movies.

From my hands, to your feet, to the cage that protects your lungs and heart.

Later that evening, we were having a deep conversation about music.  He was complaining about how the music nowadays is so saturated and it lacked passion and soul.  In the middle of our conversation, I heard a loud voice say, "Honor My prophet... wash his feet."

I jumped out of my skin, at the sound of His voice.  I was completely shaken and caught off guard.  I had only heard the voice of God (audibly), twice in my ENTIRE life.

I can't explain it, but it's like someone is speaking through a megaphone, inside the pit of your stomach.  And the sound is coming out of you, instead of going inside of you.

"are you okay?" he asked.  As I got up (halfway in a daze), and went into the kitchen.  I filled up a bowl with warm water, olive oil, and rose petals.  I brought it back into the living room, knelt down on my knees and put a towel over my lap.  I then took off his slippers and placed his feet into the water.

He just looked at me.  He didn't have to say anything... his eyes said EVERYTHING.

Led Zeppelin ~ Thank You
"Thanks to you it will be done,
for you to me are the only one" ~Led Zeppelin

I began to wash his feet, as he put his head back and closed his eyes.  Soon after his assistant walked in (with her friend), to let him know, that she was leaving to go shopping and out to dinner.  He looked back to acknowledge her, as she looked over at me, rolled her eyes and shook her head, in disgust.  And then she turned around and walked out.

I could instantly tell, that he was pissed.  But before he could say a word, I said, "Let not your heart be troubled, for they do not understand, the significance of me washing your feet."  He let out a big sigh and then put his head back again and closed his eyes.  I finished washing and massaging his feet and then I removed them from the water and began to dry them.

"Let's sing some old Sunday school songs," I said.
He began to laugh and said, "what? why?"
It will be fun, besides it's good for our soul.
He jokingly starts singing...
"Jesus loves me this i know, for the bible tells me so."
I'm serious, come on.

He got up and headed over to the piano and sat down.  I followed him, as he began to play.  We started singing, 'Jesus loves me', 'This little light of mine', 'How great thou art', and some old hymns.  It was so beautiful.

He then stopped playing and said, "when i can't sleep, in the middle of the night, your words inspire me.  but why haven't you written any blogs, lately?"

"I don't know?  I don't know what to say?  I'm tired of being put down and made fun of, I guess?

why, because they say you're a dreamer?  we're both dreamers, so take it as a compliment.  and don't think, that i don't notice the ones that are mean to you, because i do.  but I choose, to pay more attention, to the ones that are nice to you."

Yes, I know that you do.  I don't care if they call me a dreamer, but why do they have to put me down and say that I'm old or that I have a horse face, etc.?"

"listen to me... you've always preached to me, about not listening to my critics and not allowing them to stop me.  you need to do the same.

"You're right, it's just hurtful."

oh baby, don't let them hurt you.  look at me... i've never looked into the eyes of a horse and been able to decipher its age, nor deny its beauty."

"The humble in spirit will retain honor." ~King Solomon

My eyes began to well up with tears, as he started playing and singing 'Hallelujah.'  This made me cry even more.  His version of the song is so powerful and chilling.  It is the BEST version, I have ever heard and experiencing it, IS a whole different story.  I pray that someday, the world will be able to hear and experience, his version.

Once he finished 'Hallelujah,' he started playing a familiar song, that he's been working on for quite some time.  But this was the first time, I had ever heard any of the lyrics.  I could feel the Spirit of God in the room, as he sang and it literally brought me to my knees.

When he finished singing, I looked up at him and in a tearful voice, I said, "When did you write the lyrics?"  "just now, they just came out, so i just went with it... what do you think?" he replied.

"It's absolutely AMAZING!  It IS more than just a song... it's your Psalm."

He smiled and said, "well, perhaps i should write it down then, before i forget?"  I stood up and ran to grab a notepad and pen, so he could write it down.

The following day, I started packing.  It always seems to get really awkward between us, when I'm about to leave?  He gets real quiet and stays busy. So, I tried to lighten up the mood a bit and I yelled, "A Psalm a day for you and a Proverb a day for me... deal?"  "deal." he yelled back.

I went into the kitchen and hugged and thanked his assistant, for her time and for taking care of him.  I then went back and continued packing, as I overheard him scream, "whoa, come check out the sky."  I walked out of the bedroom and walked over to the window.

The entire sky looked like a rainbow.  It was breathtaking.  I placed my hand on the glass window and silently whispered, "Thank you, Jesus."

He came up behind me and whispered in my ear, "thank you for coming here."  I turned around and said, "Thank you, for inviting me."  "oh and by the way, thanks for throwing out all of my stuff," he said, jokingly.  "I didn't throw anything out, I was just making room for your blessings." hehe

He laughed and mentioned something about Halloween.  And I said, "Well, this place can have you for Halloween and Thanksgiving, as long as you're HOME for Christmas and New Years."  "you really don't like that i'm here, do you?"

Well, I'll be honest, I hate that you moved here, but I respect and honor your decisions.  I understand why you need to be here, for a season.  And I'm not questioning you or God... well maybe I am, just a little?!" hehe

He laughed and squeezed me tight.

"The circumstances may change, but the love remains." I said.

"Until the end of time." he replied.

"something magical always takes place, when you're around"... x

As I was on the plane heading back home, I began to think about, how often times we will feed our mind and body, but we neglect to feed our soul.  I believe, the best way to feed our soul, IS through music.  By humbling ourselves before the King, and worshipping and praising Him.

Today, many people seem to have a sense of entitlement and pride.  They won't humble themselves towards one another, nor will they humble themselves before God.  We forget to be thankful for what we have and what we've been given.  Whether it be our gifts and talents, our jobs, or our loved ones.

You SEE, often times we tend to become familiar with each other and we start to feel contempt towards one another.  We no longer HONOR the ones that we are close to, and we stop treating them, as the TREASURE they are.

Think about it for a moment.  How did you treat your significant other, when you first started dating them?  How did you treat your boss, when he/she first hired you?

Jesus gave us an example, of what true humbleness and love looks like.  He took the lowliest position as a servant (at the last supper), and washed His disciples feet.

Peter was uncomfortable with Jesus washing his feet, but Jesus said, "If I do not wash you, then you have no part with Me."  Peter then responded by saying, "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and head."

Jesus was teaching us, that a master isn't better than a servant and vise versa.  He was also showing all of us, the importance of humility in love.

So, let me ask you...

Whom are you willing, to be a part of?

Bon Jovi ~ Hallelujah

"Remember when I moved in you,
and the Holy dove was moving too,
and every breath we drew was,

Thursday, July 18, 2013

silvery shoals of fish

A poem by:  S. Bartek

today we've gone underwater
wearing masks for a masquerade
to look for the colors that sank
in the rays of light - a brainwave
three dimensions of surprise
three breaths
under the water i don't exist
no wind
i go there sometimes when
i don't want to think
wonder when
or will you
tell me
the speech centers remain silent
the speech centers just catch
and the world is underwater
the silvery shoals
the silvery shoals
with my hands i cast an anchor
this will be
my land
here i melt
in all directions
sometimes you are the waves
sometimes you are the shoals
you are
you are the waves
you break against the seabed
the pirates go ashore with their loot
and we go up - upright
every step
is so deep-seated
i haul us ashore
i pick the treasure from the sea bottom
sand, sand and the letter
with yet more words
the silence of the fish
we have no lips to speak with
under the water i don't exist
no wind
a natural muffle
the shades of ships
the colors of masquerade
the reef and the raft
on which we come back ashore
and along with us
- the gravity

"He's a blue shadow of you
a diamond lost at sea
a heart so pure and true
trying to find his way
back to you."
~Lisa Marie Farfalla

Guns N' Roses ~ Estranged

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Letters in the Sand

"I have come that they may have life,
and that they have it more abundantly" ~Jesus

To protect the privacy of others, names have been changed.

I was standing on the beach looking up at the sky, when I saw a horse and chariot going around in a circle.  An Angel was leading the horses and he was holding a balloon in his hand.  He released the balloon and instead of it going up, the balloon started coming down, towards me.  When it got close enough, I grabbed ahold of the string and pulled it down.

I noticed, that it had a shark on it and it said, "Happy Birthday" along with a three digit number.  I turned around and took it over to the beach chair (that Danny was sitting on), and I tied it to the chair.  I then walked over to a table, to cut him a piece of cake.  I walked back over to him and handed him the cake, and said, "Happy Birthday."

I was wearing a necklace, that had a bottle with sand in it.  I noticed there were light blue crystals that were sparkling, inside.  I opened up the bottle and smelled it.  The scent was so fresh and clean.  I took the necklace off and placed it around Danny's neck and said, "Look, God purified the sand... smell the beautiful scent."  He smelled it and then started telling a joke about cocaine.  We both started laughing.  Then he looked up at me, as he drew a line in the sand.

I awoke from this dream at 5:00am and it was pouring rain outside.  I started to pray for Danny.  I knew, that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, so I got up and made some coffee.  I sat down at my kitchen table and started writing the dream down, in my Dream Journal.

This had been the fifth dream, that I had of him, in the past few weeks.  I knew God was trying to get my attention, but I sensed in my Spirit, that I was missing the message?  I began to look at the dream again and try to piece it together.

I knew that the Chariot represented some sort of battle, but there was an Angel steering it, so that was a good thing.  The chariot was going around in a circle, which a circle represents eternity.  A shark represents a hidden danger and a balloon is something that pops.  But, it also said "Happy Birthday" on the balloon along with the three digit number.  I knew the symbolic meaning of the numbers, which was a good sign, also.  A cake always represents a celebration and a birthday represents life.  Me removing the necklace and placing it around his neck, represented me removing something (maybe pride or fear), and speaking into his heart.  The sand represents seed and to purify something means to cleanse it, of all guilt and shame.  Some of the sand was light blue and that color represents the Holy Spirit.  I wasn't really sure about Danny drawing a line in the sand, but it was after he had been telling me, the joke about the cocaine?

Later that afternoon, I got online and looked up Danny's website.  There had been no activity on it for weeks.  I continued to pray for him and I asked God for more revelation.  After I was done praying, I felt like God wanted me to reach out to him and help him?  I said, "What?  I don't know him... how am I supposed to help him?  What if he thinks I'm crazy or thinks I'm a stalker?" 

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy" ~Jesus

That same night, I had another dream about Danny.  Although, this dream was much different?  It was dark, it was eerie, and it was downright scary.

I was in Danny's house and he was sitting on his bed.  I walked up behind him and I noticed, that he had a rope in his hand.  I looked at his bed and saw ropes and belts, that were all in the shape of a noose.  I said,  "What are you doing?"  "I'm going to kill myself," he replied.  "What?", I said... as I began to plead with him and tried to encourage him.  He stood up and started cussing and breaking things, in his room.  I just stood there and silently prayed, until he finally calmed down.  He then walked over to me (lifted his hand to his head, in the shape of a gun), got in my face and said, "Are you gonna stop me?"

I awoke from this dream and I was shaken.  I began to pray for Danny and it was at that point, that I knew that I needed to make a decision.  I could either BELIEVE what God was showing me and try to contact him, or I could allow my foolish pride to take over (and possibly regret it), and do nothing?

I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and help me, write the email to Danny. I kept the email light and positive.  I told him about the "Birthday" dream I had (I didn't mention the other dreams), and I told him, that I was praying for him.  I wasn't sure, if he would ever receive the message, nor did I expect a response.  But I felt like, I had to do something?  I asked God to please let me know, that he was alright.  Even if he just updated his status or posted something on his website.

At that time, I was a personal assistant for a Prophet, and later that afternoon we were in a meeting.  After our meeting, I asked him if he would pray for Danny.  He didn't know who Danny was, nor did I share my dreams with him.

As he was praying, he abruptly stopped and said, "I just saw a vision of the grim reaper standing over him... death is knocking on his door."  He immediately began to pray and bind the devil, in the name of Jesus.  He asked that God would loose him, from whatever bondage was holding him and that he wouldn't believe the lies of the enemy, etc.  I knew at that moment, that God was confirming to me, what I had seen in my dream.

As I returned home, I checked my messages and there wasn't anything from Danny.  I then went to his website and noticed that he had just updated his status, an hour earlier.  I felt a sense of relief come over me and I thanked God, that he was alright.

"For they shall partake of the abundance of the seas
and of the treasure hidden in the sand."

The following morning, I logged onto my computer and there was a message from Danny.  He told me, that he didn't believe in God, but thanked me for the message, nonetheless.  He also had a question for me.  He wanted to know, if I knew what the significance of the three digit number (that was on the balloon in my dream), meant?  This opened up a dialogue between us. ;)

I shared the Biblical significance of the number with him and then he responded, by saying, "Call me," and he left his phone number.  I prayed real quick and then I picked up the phone and called him.  He told me, that this number was his "lucky" number.  That he had seen it for years (including in his dreams), and that he had used the number often, for personal stuff such as passwords, etc.

He also told me, that he had recently went to see a Psychic, to ask what the number represented.  Not only did she link the number to something that happened in his past, but she completely changed the number and told him it was actually a DIFFERENT number, altogether?  I knew this was false, because God revealed the ORIGINAL number to me, in my dream.  We ended up talking for over three hours on the phone.  As, we were hanging up, he said, "This is crazy, I've never opened up to someone this easily... I feel like I've known you forever."

After our conversation on the phone, I thought to myself, that Danny didn't seem depressed at all?  He was very funny and seemed happy?  The next few days, he emailed me periodically and would text me on occasion.  I prayed and asked The Holy Spirit to speak through me, because God knows his heart and knew what he needed to hear.

A few weeks had passed (that we had been talking), when I received a text message from Danny, that read, "I want to meet you... along with the three digit number."  I sent him a text back.  I told him, that I would be in Beverly Hills the following morning, for a life coaching session with the Prophet.  I asked him, if he wanted to meet both of us for lunch?  To my surprise he said, yes.

I went to the store that day and bought him a Bible and an uplifting CD.  Two of the most POWERFUL gifts, you can ever give someone (the word of God and music), to heal their SOUL.

"He who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone." ~Jesus

The following day, the three of us met for lunch.  It was a beautiful sunny day out.  Danny shared his experiences, of what is was like to be a famous Rock Star and he told us a lot of funny stories.  We sat outside of this cafe and talked and laughed, for hours.

After we were done eating, the conversation became more serious.  Danny explained, that he was going through a divorce, that his relationship with his kids was strained, that he moved to LA, and his family lived in another state.  He told us that he was clean and sober, but he blamed his past addictions (of drugs and alcohol), on his fame.  He was at a point where he wanted to give up on music, altogether.  He felt the lifestyle had cost him everything.  He was struggling with some other personal issues, too, that left him feeling guilty.  And he was mad at God, because of all of his loss and pain. 

The Prophet spoke LIFE into him and encouraged him. He told him, that God had a PURPOSE for his life and that his musical talent, is a gift from God. He told him, that Jesus came to GIVE to him and not to take from him.  And he told him not to get stuck in his past failures or beat himself up, over the mistakes he's made.  Danny was listening and asking a lot of questions.  It was an AMAZING lunch, and I was so thankful.

As we were getting ready to leave the Prophet said, "You know, Lisa Marie really cares about you.  She loves you... just like Jesus does."

And I will never forget his response... "I know she does... it's all new to me... I've never had anyone care for me, without wanting something from me."  He then put his head down and continued, "To be quite honest... if she hadn't contacted me, when she did... I wouldn't be here, to celebrate my Birthday next week... I was ready to check out."

There was complete silence for a moment and all three of us, had tears in our eyes.  Danny reached over, held my hand and kissed me on the cheek. The Prophet asked him, if he could pray for him and Danny said, yes.

Throughout the following years, Danny and I talked often.  I would text him scriptures and encourage him through the hard times.  He would also call me and ask me to pray for him, before he went on stage, or sometimes just to vent his frustration and anger.  hehe

Today, he is ALIVE and happy.  He is engaged to a beautiful woman and his relationship with his kids, is stronger than ever.  He is also, still using his gift of music, that God has blessed him with.

I am truly honored, that I was given the opportunity, to get to know Danny's BEAUTIFUL heart.  I will always remember, how God used a DREAM to bring our friendship together.

"I am the resurrection and the life." ~Jesus

Now, I'm not saying that all dreams are from God, because obviously they're not. But I have been able to discern which ones are.  One way is through the revelation of His word, the other is through the vibrant colors and oversized scenery, kind of like you've just entered "Alice in Wonderland."  haha  And the third way, is through a series of dreams and confirmations.  "By the mouth of two or three witnesses, the matter shall be established."  The latter, was the case with the dreams, that I had of Danny and the confirmations I received, through him and the Prophet.

You SEE, we never really know where someone is at, in their life.  It may seem like they're happy, but they could possibly be on the brink of giving up.  Satan will always try to keep someone stuck in their past and remind them of their failures.  He wants them to feel trapped, so they can't see any way out.  He knows, if they don't have a VISION, they will perish.

Jesus on the other hand, LOVES us!  He came to give us a FUTURE and a HOPE.  He wants to bring healing and restoration to our lives, and cleanse and purify the sand.  Therefore, He will reveal the TREASURE hidden in the sand (i.e., inside of you).

God will also use us to SPEAK into someone's heart, by planting seeds of faith, hope, and LOVE.  Because sometimes the only Jesus, someone may ever be able to see, IS inside of you.  But we need to be willing, to walk out our faith and use our VOICE (whether it be through words, poetry, or music), and bless others with the GIFT, that He has blessed us with.  As a result, we too, will be able to SEE and smell the fresh scent, and CELEBRATE the beauty of life.

FAITH waits, trusts, acts, believes, and stands.

Always remember this...   

Jesus IS the way, and the truth, and the LIFE.

Skid Row ~ I remember you

"Paint a picture of the days gone by,
When love went blind and you would make me see,
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes,
So that I knew that you were there for me,
Time after time you were there for me"


Wednesday, February 13, 2013


"And baby you know my hands are dirty...

Like a cold wind
He blew right through my life
and was gone again
As thousands of women
wait in line
Wearing white dresses
with broken hearts
The mystery
The thrill
The captivating smile
That silent still
His eyes
So gentle
yet so painful
His hands
So mighty
yet so weak
His voice
So beautiful 
yet so severe
The love song that never ends
As the teardrops continually fall
and he crawls back again
Listen closely
and you will hear
The arrow
that pierced my heart.

'Tis love at its finest.

...but I wanted to be your Valentine" ~Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi ~ I'll be there for you

"I pray to God
you'll give me one more chance, girl
I'll be there for you
These five words, I swear to you
When you breathe
I wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you"

Sunday, December 9, 2012

'Tis the Season

It was the Saturday night after Thanksgiving, a few years back.  I spent the day decorating and finished around 8:00pm that night.  I turned the fireplace on and turned some Christmas music on.  I then went into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate, when I was startled by a knock at my front door.

When I opened the door, I was surprised to see him standing there.  He didn't live in L.A. at the time and I had no idea that, he was in town.  He has always been like a father figure, to me.  Someone I honor, respect, and someone I could confide in.

He said, "I came to see your trees," in a vampire like voice.  I started to giggle and hugged him.  He grabbed the hot chocolate out of my hand and started drinking it.  He walked in, began looking around at my Christmas trees, and jokingly said, "How many tweez does a butterflyz needz?  Survey says... F.I.V.E.Z."  We both started laughing.

I have always loved Christmas trees and I have several of them, (probably more than five) throughout my place, with different themes.  I have a Cross and Angel wings tree, a Royalty King's tree, a TX Cowboy tree, an Elvis Rock N' Roll tree, a Butterfly and dove feathers tree, a Purple tree, and a Rosemary coffee tree in the kitchen (with Starbucks ornaments hanging on it), which smells amazing and you can cook with it, too.

I told him, that I would make him something to eat and I headed into the kitchen.  Some time had passed, when he entered the kitchen and opened up the oven.  He started eating the potato fries (which were too hot and not quite done).  I told him, that he was going to burn himself and to wait.  ;)

He said, "I need to stay for a few days, but don't tell anyone that I'm here!" He then walked back into the living room.  I yelled, "I won't tell a soul."  But at the same time, I was thinking...  how am I supposed to hide a famous Rock Star, for a few days???  haha

I finished cooking and went into the living room, with his food.  I could tell that he had been crying.  "There's such a sense of peace in your place, I can't explain it, but it's so unreal." he said.

I smiled and thanked him.  It was such a SWEET compliment, because I knew that he could feel the presence of God.  For my home was my sanctuary.  I prayed, worshipped, anointed, and thanked God daily, in my home.

After he finished eating, he began to tell me what was happening in his life and a few things about his girlfriend.  I had only met her once, but I had discerned that she wasn't good for him.  Although, I would never meddle in his relationship, nor would I ever tell him what to do.  I was just there to listen to him and pray for him.  And all I cared about was, that he was happy.

He also told me how hurt he was, over his friends and bandmates.  But most of all, he shared how much he loved his kids and that he felt like he was a terrible father.  I reassured him, that he IS a wonderful daddy and spending quality time with them, is the most important thing.  He told me, that one of his daughters hadn't spoken to him, for months and that he couldn't bare to spend the holiday's, without all of his children.

We talked for several hours and then I said, "Well, 'tis the season for miracles, so let's believe that Jesus will restore all of your broken relationships."  He half smiled at me, but I could tell, that he really didn't believe it was possible.  He looked disheartened and exhausted.

I said, "Why don't you go to the guest room and lay down."  He agreed and started heading up the stairs.  I went to get him some fresh towels and placed them on the chair in the guest room.

He laid down on the bed and he didn't look well, at all.  I was worried about him, so I asked him if I could get him anything else?  He said, "I'm in a lot of pain, will you come over here and pray for my back?"  I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

I laid my hands on his back and I began to pray.  He moaned a bit and then he said, "How do you do that?"  "Do what?" I asked.  "I can feel heat, on my back," he replied.  I said, "that's not me... it's the Holy Spirit."  He laughed and said,  "Oh yeah, I forgot that you have supernatural powers."

I laughed and then I continued praying for his back.  He began to mumble something (that I didn't understand), and then he fell fast asleep.  I turned off the light, closed the door, and went into my bedroom.

I continued to pray for his back, his children, his girlfriend, and the boys in his band, before I went to sleep.  I asked God to restore all of his relationships and to heal his broken heart.  I also thanked God, for bringing him here.  Out of all the places he could go and all the people he knows, I was truly thankful that he felt like my place, was a safe haven.

For three days, he never left the bedroom, never picked up his phone, never got online, or turned the TV on.  He spent most of the time reading books and sleeping.  I didn't bother him and I only went in there to feed him, or ask him if he needed anything?!

As he was leaving to head back home, he said, "I'm taking a piece of your tree with me, for good luck"... as he plucked one of the feathers off of my butterfly/dove tree, put it in his mouth and swallowed it.

"OMG!!!  Hahaha... You are CRAZY!" I said.  He took his scarf off and wrapped it around my neck.  Then he hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and said, "You're an angel, thank you!  This is the best 'Hotel Farfalla'... ever."  And he walked out the door.

A week or so had passed by, when I received a message from his daughter (the one that wasn't speaking to him).  His kids found out, that he had been in town, over Thanksgiving weekend.  They were upset, that he didn't contact any of them or tell anyone.  I shared with her, what he was going through and how much her daddy loves her and all of his children.

After our conversation, she ended up contacting her father.  She made plans to visit him for Christmas (along with the rest of her siblings), and they all rang in the New Year, together.  It was a true Christmas MIRACLE.

You SEE, we often think, that those that seem to have it all, don't need anything or anyone.  But, they just might be the ones, that are hurting the most.

Sometimes all a friend needs is...

Someone to PRAY for them and to BELIEVE in them.

A place they can go to be fed and a place to REST their head.

BELIEVE... for it IS the season of MIRACLES.

4:57 hehe

Monday, September 17, 2012

Is My Love Enough?

"it's not enough"... x

There he stood, in all his glory.  As people surrounded him, waiting to get his autograph, a photograph, or just to be in his presence.  I watched their faces light up, at the sound of his voice.  He was sharing stories with them and telling jokes.

I wanted to get closer, but I was taught... to NEVER enter a king's court, unless he calls you by name.  In other words, never enter his vicinity or circle (wherever that may be), unless he asks you, or invites you.

He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at me and I smiled back.  He then held up his finger, as if to say... give me a minute.

So, I waited in the wings and enjoyed all the love, that surrounded him.

A few minutes later, Francis (a.k.a. Elvis), walked up and pulled me away. "Hey darling, I need you to help me out with something,"  he said.  I thought that was kind of funny, because I'm usually the one, that's asking for his help.  haha

I said, "Sure, anything, what do you need me to do?"  I noticed that he had black leather gloves on and stuff in his hands.  He handed me his water (to free up his hand), as he reached into his coat pocket.

"I need you to give this to him and tell him, to play it and record it," he said. "Ok, of course, I will," I replied.  I glanced down at the CD, and I noticed the 'Title' to the song.  "I've never heard this song before?"  I said.  "I know, I just recorded it,"  he replied.

He then kissed me on the forehead and said...

"Sweetheart, don't worry about what people are saying about him... they don't understand the LEGACY of a king, nor the footsteps one must take, to fulfill it."

"I know this.  My heart just hurts, to see him being hurt.  But, I know that Jesus is protecting him.  Besides, he also has the best guardian Angel, this side of Heaven.  hehe

"Haha... Amen!  Hey, do you remember the story I told you about, when I smashed the grapes on the fender of the car?"

I started laughing... "Yes, how could I forget?"

"The reason I did that, is because he would have never been able to CREATE the color that I wanted the car painted, unless he SAW it first...

Listen to me honey, don't become weary... everything is going according to plan... His hour has come, to be glorified...

Remember this, before the year strikes midnight."

"What?  Remember what?  Do you mean by December?  Of this year or...?"

"i'm hangin' by a vine"... x

As I awoke from this dream, I couldn't shake it off of my mind.  It seemed so vivid and real.  I wrote the dream down in my journal and I started asking God, a million questions.

I began to think about, how God changes the times and seasons, removes kings and sets up kings.  And how He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those that have insight.  But, I didn't know what to do, with this dream?!

I was perplexed?  How in the world, was I supposed to download a song from Heaven and give it to him?  I wasn't given the lyrics, nor did I hear the song?  He was also out of town (at the time), and I didn't want to bother him, with my dream.

Besides, he has dozens of beautiful (new), songs already and I didn't want to add more pressure to him.  I guess, it was partly my own doubts and fear? Or in some ways, maybe it was just my pride?  I didn't want to sound more foolish or crazier, than I already do.  haha

So, I decided not to say anything and to wait and see, if I would get another piece, to this dream.

But it was then, that it seemed, as if my dreams went through a drought.  I wasn't having any dreams at all, or at least I couldn't remember them???  It was complete SILENCE.

As the months passed by, I had forgotten all about this dream.

"For your love is better than wine."  ~Song of Songs

A few weeks ago, I was out at the pool.  It was a warm sunny day, with a slight breeze.  I closed my eyes and felt the sun on my face.  I could hear the beautiful sound, of the water fountain, in the background.

After awhile, I decided to jump into the pool and cool off.

As I came up out of the water, I noticed the clouds had suddenly appeared and covered up the sun.  And just like that, it began to rain.  I looked up at the sky and smiled.  I thanked God for this miracle and for pouring down His blessings.  The sensation of swimming in the rain, was amazing.

While I was swimming, I started to wonder how the people must have felt, that actually got to SEE, Jesus perform miracles.  Especially, the very first time He had performed one, when He turned the water into wine.

If you don't know the story, I'll share it briefly with you...

Jesus and his disciples, were at a wedding and they ran out of wine.  His mother Mary came to Him and told Him that, they were out of wine.  Jesus said, "Woman, what does your concern have to do with me?  My hour has not yet come."  His mother said to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, do it."  Jesus then said to them, "Fill the water pots with water."  After they had filled them, He said to them, "Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast."  They took it to the master and poured him the wine. When the master of the feast tasted the wine, he called the bridegroom and said, "Every man brings out choice wine first and then the cheaper wine, after the guests have had too much to drink; but you saved the best till now."

This was the first MIRACLE Jesus performed, which manifested His GLORY. And His disciples BELIEVED in Him.

What fascinates me about this story (aside from the actual miracle), is that Jesus told His mother, that His time hadn't come yet.  But, He still performed the miracle, anyway?

So, what made Him perform this miracle, if it wasn't time, yet?  Was it Mary's faith (by telling the servants), or was it the servants obedience, that drew it out?  I believe it was BOTH.

One drew it out, the other poured it, and Jesus performed it.

The Bible says, that after this miracle, His disciples believed in Him.  You see, sometimes people won't BELIEVE, unless they SEE a miracle.

"Unless you people see signs and wonders,
you will by no means believe."

Jesus serves the best wine... last.

The next morning, as I was at church, my Pastor was preaching and he said...

"God gets something to you... to get it through you!  The only way to get it through you, is through your MOUTH.  It might be a dream, a word, a song, or an idea... but the MIRACLE, is on your lips...

We need to release, whatever is inside of us.  Because what's inside of us, might be the very thing that someone else needs to HEAR.  It's not up to us, to turn the water into wine, but we need to fill the water pots, draw the water out, and allow Jesus to turn it into wine."

He then continued on by saying, that sometimes when God is silent, that is when He's working the most.  And just because we haven't seen the miracle yet, doesn't mean it won't happen.

Release the sound, that's inside of you.

Later on that evening, I was cleaning up the dishes and x was in the other room, practicing.  I heard him, call my name.  He yelled for me to come in there and listen and he asked me to bring him some water.  I glanced up at the clock and it was a quarter to twelve.  I grabbed a bottle of water and poured myself a glass of wine.

As I walked into the room, there was a strong ambiance that filled the air.  I can't explain it, but I could feel a beautiful presence, in the room.  I could smell the scent of the vanilla candles, that were burning and I noticed his Bible was sitting on top of his piano.

I listened, as his fingers danced across the keys.  It felt like HONEY, had just dripped into my soul.

I closed my eyes, as he began to sing.  I inhaled his sweet aroma and all that was pouring, out of him.  I had never heard him sing this song, before? It was beyond beautiful, just like swimming in the rain.

As he was singing, I recognized the lyrics to the 'Title' of the song, that Francis had given to me, months earlier, in my dream.

I couldn't believe what I was HEARING.  It was then, that I RECALLED the words that Francis had spoken, "Remember this, before the year strikes midnight."

Instantly, it felt as if someone had just lit a match, inside the pit of my stomach and my soul was on FIRE.  I felt a surge of electricity, shoot from my head, down to my toes, and back up again.

My eyes began to sting and they started to water.  I wiped my eyes and opened them.  I was ASTONISHED, at the sight that was before me.

I SAW Angel's surrounding him, as he played.  I put my hand over my mouth, in complete shock.  Something so deep was transpiring and I was MESMERIZED.

Glory filled the entire room, as I watched his countenance begin to change. His face was shining and his eyes were sparkling.  I was experiencing a MIRACLE, right before my EYES.

Then he abruptly stopped playing, and said, "did you hear that?"  I was speechless!  I couldn't say anything, I just shook my head, yes.  "were you singing?"  he asked.  I shook my head, no.

"well, what was that echo?... what's wrong?... you look like you just saw a ghost."

"That wasn't an echo... I just saw Angels surrounding you and I think they were singing along?!"

He started to laugh... until he realized that, I wasn't joking.

There was a peaceful SILENCE in the room, as he paused for a moment.

He then put his head down and quietly said, "the way you speak sometimes, takes my breath away."

Tears filled my eyes, as I asked him, "Who's song is that?"

"it's my song... it's something new that i've been working on... it just came to me, a few months back... in the middle of the night."

"You need to play it and record it."

"you think?"

"Yes, it IS more than enough!  Remember this... the dancer becomes the DANCE."

He smiled, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said...

"and the dreamer becomes the DREAM."

Let it flow, from the inside... out.

Elton John ~ Something about the way you look tonight

"With your smile,
You pull the deepest secrets from my heart
In all honesty, 
I'm speechless and I don't know where to start"