Sunday, June 17, 2018

Good, Good Father



He's a single sailboat
in the open sea
alone
and unable to see

An empty space
between you and he
he's searching
for what shall be

So much distance
in the middle of nowhere
not knowing where he belongs
here or there

Unaware
of who he is in your eyes
he focuses on the glistening ocean
and listens to his own lies

Feeling unworthy
rejected
undeserving of love
abandoned

Hoping for an answer
in the middle of all his fear
his eyes begin to fill
with sadness and tears

He finally realizes
he's just a blue shadow of you
A diamond lost at sea
a teardrop in the ocean so blue

Trying to find his way back to you

In an ocean so big
How does he find his way
In a boat so small
It would be a miracle someday

He bows his head and begins to pray
But how does he relate to Fatherly love from above
If he's never experienced a father's love here on earth

He has no idea what it's worth


"Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them" ~Jesus


I was having a conversation with a friend of mine a few months ago about a movie that was coming out about his life.  He was telling me how surreal it was to watch someone relive his life on film.  "It's so raw and real," he was saying as I stopped him mid-sentence and said, "How real could it be if your child is eliminated from the film?"  Stunned for a moment he responded, "This movie is about my musical career."

I tried to keep quiet but I just couldn't.  He's such a good father and has always been there for his child but he doesn't want to upset his new wife.  I don't understand how women marry men knowing that they have children from previous relationships, but then they can't handle the reality of it?

I went to the refrigerator and grabbed us a bottle of water and then I went back to the table and sat down next to him and said, "Listen to me, your child is the greatest gift God has given you and is every part of your music. I know your wife is insecure and jealous but your child and ex are a part of your life and were here long before her. Don't you think they might feel rejected by being eliminated from your film?  Are the other band members ex's and children in the movie?

He put his head down and covered his face with his hands as I continued. "You've struggled with rejection and abandonment issues your whole life because you didn't know your father.  How do you think your child will feel being eliminated from this movie?"




Today is the day we honor father's but I can't help but think of all the children that grew up without a father.  I know several children and adults that grew up never knowing their father or they were kept away from their father when they were young.  It breaks my heart more than anything that they were robbed of having and knowing the love of a father.  I can tell you, it has affected every aspect of their life and how they relate to love.  It is a constant heartache that never goes away.

This happens a lot when parents split up and the mother tries to control visitation and/or uses her children as bait to get what she wants from their father.  But this also happens when the man meets a new woman and the woman tries to keep the kids from their father.

We've all heard the painful and horrifying stories of stepmothers keeping children away from their fathers.  Like Yoko Ono keeping Julian Lennon away from his dad at a young age and even in his death she wouldn't allow him to have anything that belonged to his father.  Julian had to go to public auctions after his father's death just to buy something that his dad owned, so he had something to remember him by.  Yoko might have been the cause of splitting up The Beatles but I believe her biggest crime was stealing a father from his son.  And then there's Robert Williams' children who weren't allowed in their father's home after he married his third wife and his kids had to take her to court for their dad's belongings that were willed to them, after his passing. And the heartbreaking story about Kerri Kasem and her siblings being kept from seeing their dad (by their stepmom), as he was dying and his kids had to get a court order just to see him before he passed.  There are millions of children living this very nightmare, today.  If I could say anything to the women and men out there, I would say...

Dear Mothers and women,

Please don't use your children as pawns, please don't talk poorly of their father, for you are only destroying your child's character.  Don't stop your children from having a relationship with their dad and don't use your kids for financial gain.  And to the women who get involved with a man that has kids (from a previous relationship), if you can't handle the fact that he has children, please don't even date him.  Those children were there before you. It is hard enough that they have to struggle with their parents being separated and the fear and pain that goes along with all of that. The last thing they need is someone else trying to stop them from spending even less time with their father.  Please don't allow your own insecurities or jealousies destroy these innocent children.  Stop treating these kids like their feelings and lives are meaningless and it's all about you and your own selfishness and greed. 

Dear Fathers,

Please, please, please fight for your children.  No woman is worth sacrificing a relationship with your children for.  Your children need your love and they need to have a relationship with you.

We are living in a fatherless generation and our children are suffering the consequences.  We are creating hopeless and loveless children.

We are destroying their heart, their soul and their dream.

Today may we encourage our children to have a relationship with their Father in heaven and their father on earth.

May we clothe all Father's in Honor and Majesty.

Happy Father's Day!


Chris Tomlin ~ Good, Good Father



Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Shine

"don't feed me your bullshit right now, i don't wanna hear it." ~x



You are like the tree
in the Garden of Eden
good and evil interwined
wandering through your beauty
intrigued by your words
love and fear combined
you have said
I can eat all of the fruit
in the garden
except for the tree
except for you
I gravitate towards you
I long to be with you
I want to sit beneath you
I want to be nourished by your fruit
but I am forbidden
you are like the tree
in the Garden of Eden
my weakness
my shortcoming
my failure
my truth





x had just returned home from a 5 day trip to New York and we were laying on the couch doing some online Christmas shopping.  After asking him if he wanted me to order a few Christmas gifts and not getting a response, I sat up, put the computer down and asked him what was on his mind?  "I was just thinking," he said.  About what? I said.

Adam and Eve.

What, where did that come from?  What about them?

they were given everything and lived in paradise but it still wasn't enough.

Well, that's why they were kicked out of the garden.  It wasn't enough to walk with God, they wanted to be like God.

so what if I have to kick people out?  what if it's never enough for them? what if they were dishonest or disloyal?  what if they used me?

Listen, I know you're hurt but don't beat yourself up over the decisions you have to make or have had to make in the past.  Let me ask you this... Do you think Adam and Eve regretted eating the apple?  Do you think they wished they could have changed what they had done?

yeah, of course.  we all have regrets.

Yes, and we all make mistakes and sometimes the mistakes cost us more than we could ever imagine.  But don't you think it hurt God when he had to kick them out of the garden?  Don't you think He was sad when they left?  Don't you think He would have rather had them stay?  Look... you're not always going to be happy about the decisions you have to make.  Just because you have to kick people out, doesn't mean you love them any less or you're not going to miss them.

i hear you.  hey, do you remember where we were on New Years Eve in 2007.

Yes, how could I forget.  I still have the prophecy written in my journal.

where did all the time go?  i want to feel that power again, i want others to experience it.

Well, then you know what you have to do.  You are the anointed vessel, it has to come out of you.  It doesn't matter how much color is surrounding you, it's the light that shines through you that matters.

like a stained glass window, he chuckled.

Yes, exactly!  haha


"Let your light so shine before men..." ~Jesus



I have always said, "in the end, the only person that will regret not using the gifts God gave them... is you."  That goes for all of us.

you know what, sweetheart?  you're like the tree in the Garden of Eden.

Which part?  Good or evil?  I said, jokingly.

But I never expected his beautiful response.

the tree of life.

you've always been able to breathe life into my pain and shine light through my darkness...

you've always stirred me back to God and what's important in life.  and you've always stood by my decisions (whether good or bad), although i had to hear about it when you disagreed.  he said, as he winked at me.

I was in awe of his words as I responded softly...

Yes, because I honor and respect you. I'm really glad you took the time you had off, to spend some time alone and listen to God.

it's strange, it doesn't matter how much time we spend apart, i've always felt so connected to you.  i hear your words echo in my head.  you know this Anthem inside of me keeps getting louder and louder.  i can feel it beating in my chest.

Then hark the angels and release the sound inside of you.  Let the world see you shine.  Allow them to feel the power and experience it.  Heed the words of the Prophet and receive the Prophet's reward.

For it IS the promise of 2017.


"She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her..." ~King Solomon




Elton John ~ Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me


"but these cuts I have
they need love
to help them heal"






hope deferred makes the heart sick but when desire comes it is a tree of life





Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Time

Life is but a vapor.


It was years ago back in the late 1980's when Producer Barry called me. He said that the band he was producing had requested to meet me, my sister and one of our close friends. They were playing at The Roxy Theatre in West Hollywood and he had VIP passes waiting for us. He didn't give us any details about the band but said we had dinner reservations at the French restaurant on Sunset Blvd., after the show.

We had been going to rock concerts at The Roxy Theatre for years but this was something different for the three of us.  When the band hit the stage they owned it.  There was a different kind of energy, I had never experienced before.  From the keyboards, bass and percussion, to the dancing and the flamboyant outfits they were wearing.  This was R&B, funk and soul.  It was as if we had just stepped into a scene from the movie 'Purple Rain'.  We were flabbergasted. 

WHAT TIME IS IT???

After the show we went to the restaurant and Barry introduced us to Morris Day, Jerome, Jesse and The Time.  They were so respectful, shy and funny. Shh... don't tell them I told you that. ;)  We had a beautiful night drinking, eating, talking, but most of all laughing.  We were honored to be their guests that evening and it made an impact on the rest of our lives.

A few weeks later, Barry and 'The Time' invited us to see Prince.  If you don't know the history between Morris Day and Prince (other than the movie), they have been friends since High School and played in several bands together.

We will forever be grateful to Barry, Morris Day and The Time.

We love you!

Love,
Your 'Purple Grapes'


The Time ~ Jungle Love




Today: April 21st 2016 - Time stopped as I heard the news that Prince had passed away.  It was only two months ago that Vanity had passed and they were both only 57 years old.

With a heavy heart tonight, I want to thank Prince for his beautiful spiritual music that he shared with the world.  And for sharing all the wonderful talent that he discovered, also.

Now you are home in peace with your son Boy Gregory and also with Vanity.  I would love to see your PURPLE crown.  R.I.P. Prince.  You will be missed.


The doves are crying on earth but singing in Heaven.


 
Photo courtesy of Morris Day.



Prince ~ Purple Rain


I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing
in the purple rain






Sunday, March 20, 2016

Slipping

"Just let it go and bury it."


I can't hold on
I'm slipping
drifting
further and further away
I don't recognize your face
like a ghost of the past
you frighten me
skeletons passing in the hall
strangers under one roof
fading memories
far in the distance
so thick is the tension
in this smoke filled room
I'm grasping at the wind
I'm gasping for air
you try to destroy the affection
embedded in my heart
how do I stop us from slipping
if your will is to let go?
you have a death wish
or is it me that's dying?
a slow poison
inserted with every word you speak
questions racing through my mind
your answer was to vanish
in the middle of the night
slipping out the front door
as I catch the chill
from the cold misty air
a shadow of what once was
memories of a time
when love was so kind
I lay here in silence
upon a soaked filled pillow
somehow our sanctuary
became a cemetery
and you're no longer here
haunted
in my dreams
I see you
next to me
I can't escape the nightmare
it's reality
the darkness never fades
as I awake alone
only to mourn
the loss once more
I fight the thoughts
I try to stop the sting
I think they lied when they said,
"Time heals the pain."
I think they lied when they said,
"You will love again."
I cry out to Jesus
catch me, catch me as I fall
I'm slipping, slipping
further into the abyss I fall
I bury my heart
cover the brokenness
and suddenly you reappear
only to return
for your boots and guitars
pulling on my strings
once again
placing fresh flowers upon my grave
breathing life into these dead bones
and here we go
slipping back
year after year
somehow enduring the sorrow
extending mercy to each other
we dug ourselves out of a grave
hand in hand
covering our shame
with a brokenhearted tattoo
we planted a friendship
watered the other with grace
a bond that will never break
we carry the scars
helping each other
through it all
finding solace in one another
we never made it together
the story replays
over and over
within your songs
we can't rewind
the sparkle in our eyes
one filled with love
the other scarred with pain
accepting our own blame
we lay our head upon the Rock
asking for forgiveness
in our resting place
next to each other
in peace
forever



"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" ~King David



Gary Allan ~ Smoke Rings in the dark




"and all I'm takin' with me
are the pieces of my heart"




Sunday, February 14, 2016

Love Hurts

"meet me under the willow tree"... x


I wanted to be the first one to arrive at the studio, so I could pray inside before anyone got there.  But you can never predict the traffic in Los Angeles. Although I left extra early, I was still late.  I said a quick prayer before I got out of the car and grabbed my purse and the cupcakes, I had baked.  I have been taught that before meeting with a prophet, you should always bake him a cake first.

I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach as I walked through the lobby and approached the door.  I knew we would all be reminiscing about the past and talking about the good ol' days, but I was hoping to hear some new music.  I really miss that magical, spiritual sound of music being created.

I knocked on the door and the road manager opened it.  He grabbed the cupcakes out of my hands and then asked me to turn over my cell phone.  I guess this was to make sure that no one would take any photos or videos, while rehearsals were going on?

It seemed strange and tense at first but as soon as I greeted everyone, it was like time had never passed.  The bass player hugged me and shared some exciting news with me.  He then played a part of a song that he wanted me to hear.  I was honored that he shared the song with me, before anyone else.

An hour had passed by before x walked into the room.  Immediately you could feel the whole atmosphere shift.  It was a supernatural feeling and it felt as if time had froze for a minute.  Right away he began telling jokes and making everyone laugh.

He then looked over at me and said, "cupcakes?  it's not my birthday yet... but i guess it's quite a celebration, huh?" as he winked at me.  I smiled and said, "Well I am expecting a Prophet's reward, you know?!"


"He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet
shall receive a prophet's reward" ~Jesus


Several hours had passed as they rehearsed old songs.  It's amazing how a song can take you back in time and bring your memories to the forefront.  I sat there thinking... how did so many years pass by, so quickly?  After going through some of the old songs, they started throwing out ideas and playing parts of new songs they were working on, individually.  To be able to witness this was like a dream.  My spirit felt alive.

After everyone shared their songs, x walked over to the piano and sat down. He began to play and chills went up and down my spine.  I scanned the room and noticed everyone was looking down or had their eyes closed.  The sound coming from the piano was so beautiful.  It sounded like a harp was accompanying the keys.  I felt like I was in the middle of a church service during worship.

I closed my eyes as he began to sing and my eyes began to well up with tears. I listened intently to the lyrics and it sounded as if he was bringing everything written in my diary, to life.  I could feel everyone looking over at me, to see what my reaction would be to this very painful, personal song.

I kept my head down and began to weep.  I didn't want to make a fool out of myself, so I headed towards the door.  As soon as I got out of the studio, I let out a loud cry and ran towards the bathroom.  I cried and prayed in the bathroom until I composed myself, fixed my makeup and headed back to the studio.

I lightly knocked on the door and went inside.  It was completely silent in the room.  The keyboardist came over and put his arm around me, as if to say... are you alright?  I walked over and stood up against the post next to the couches. The band members began going over the setlist and going over parts of songs.

I watched as x stood up, walked over to the table and grabbed a cupcake. He came and stood by me, took a bite out of the cupcake and said, "thanks for the cupcakes but you missed out on your blessing."  He then kissed me on the cheek and handed me the rest of his cupcake.

I stood there for a minute holding the cupcake, wondering what he meant?  A part of me felt guilty for leaving in the middle of his song.  I wanted to apologize for disrespecting him, but he was busy with the boys in the band and I didn't want to disturb them.


"The jar of flour shall not go empty, nor the jug of oil run dry." ~Elijah


A few weeks had passed when x called me...

"Hello?"

"i'm coming over."

"Well, this is a pleasant surprise.  You haven't been to my house for almost a year."

"well, you know what i've been craving?  i'll be there in a few hours."

"Haha!  Sure, I'll run to the store and grab everything and start cooking.  See you in a bit."

I went to the store and bought a bottle of wine and all the ingredients for his favorite dish.  I went home and began preparing the food and decided to bake him a cake, also.

Throughout dinner we had a deep conversation.  He hadn't opened up like this, for quite some time.  It was very healing for both of us.

"hey, i keep dreaming that i tell you to meet me under the willow tree.  when we get there, i have a harp in my hand.  i thought you might know what the dream means?"

"God is trying to tell you something.  He's giving you a message, through a recurring dream to confirm to you that it's from Him.  The willow tree is very flexible and can bend all the way down without snapping, it adjusts and surrenders to the wind without breaking. It thrives in the most horrendous conditions.  The willow tree also shows us that through love and loss we can grow and there's always the potential for something new and beautiful.  Your hand represents your power and authority and the harp represents your song and worship.  It is the Lord's song. Remember Psalm 137?"

He interrupts me and starts singing... "by the rivers of babylon, where we sat down..."

"Haha!  Yes, exactly.  Remember they hung their harps on the willow tree and stopped singing the Lord's song.  It was a sad song.  They allowed their enemies to silence them and steal their joy and their song.  Maybe God is saying... Don't hang up your harp, don't allow your enemies to steal your blessing, never stop singing!"

"hmm... maybe so?  i've been meaning to ask you... why did you walk out in the middle of my song, at rehearsals? "  I'm sorry!  I wanted to apologize to you, it was just... I don't know?  It was just very painful to hear." "maybe if you listened to the whole song, the pain would've been easier to bear?"

He grabbed ahold of my hand and led me into the living room.  He sat down at the piano and said, "what we share is different then any other love... it's a spiritual love." and then he began to play.  I took a sip of my wine and closed my eyes.

Once he finished playing I was shaking and crying.  It was the most heartbreaking beautiful love song, I have ever heard.

My voice was cracking as I softly said, "the end is better than the beginning."

"and patience is better than pride," he replied.


"an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma."~King Solomon


That's when it hit me.  It was then that I realized what he meant, about me missing out on my blessing.  My pride stood in the way.  I was too worried about what everyone in the room was thinking about me.  I ran instead of waiting patiently to HEAR the whole song.  I missed the ending, the best part (the most endearing and loving part), of the entire song.

What x was saying IS... it's not just about me.  His music and his song is his gift and blessing.  It's about the millions of people that would be blessed by hearing his song.  It would help them heal some of their own pain and heartache.  It is much deeper than him and much deeper than me.  It's spiritual.

That got me thinking?  Have you ever wondered why we listen to sad songs, when we're sad?  Shouldn't we be listening to songs that lift us up?  I think we listen to the sad songs because we can relate to what the singer is saying.  We feel his pain through his song and in return it helps us heal our own heartache and pain.  

You SEE:  Love is not always moonlight and roses.  We often hurt the ones we love and they hurt us, also.  Sometimes our pride stands in the way, or the hurt is so painful that we run away from it.  We can't see past our current situation, so we leave in the middle of the pain.  Never waiting to get through the forgiveness and healing process.  Therefore, we miss out on our blessing.

But that doesn't mean we missed it forever.  We might not have got it right the first time, but that doesn't mean we won't have another opportunity to receive our blessing.  We will always be able to bake another cake or write another song.

A cake always represents a celebration and cake and music often go together. We enjoy cake and music at birthday parties, weddings, and anniversaries, etc.  It is something we share with our loved ones and friends.  But if we separated the ingredients of the cake, it wouldn't taste good nor would it look good.  We need all of the ingredients to mix together, to create something BEAUTIFUL.

We all have the choice to walk in love.  To give our offering and sacrifice to one another.  To share cake and music together.

To experience Spiritual love which is the deepest, purest, and richest love, possible.  It is our greatest blessing and our reward.
  
beauty for ashes


Love bears all things
Believes all things
Hopes all things
Endures all things
Love never fails.


Nazareth ~ Love Hurts


"Love is like a cloud
it holds a lot of rain"





Saturday, January 23, 2016

Poisoned Sleep

"you made the wine now you drink the cup" ~E.L.O.


Who's pulling the strings
you're no longer in control
the head of the household
she somehow stole
I was once oblivious
to what's so painfully obvious
now I see
right through her facade
she no longer
recognizes her place
once standing behind you
now she's in front of you
robbing you blind
planting misleading seeds
using you
for her families gain
crumbling your fortune and fame
a master at manipulation
potions and poisons
of a wicked woman's love

he's a puppet
on a string
a puppet
fulfilling her dreams

Oh, but she's so shallow
if you listen close enough
you can hear her rattle
her lips drip with honey
while blood drips from her hands
an empty grave
as she hands him the cup
and he takes another sip
spellbound
she'll crush his crown
with her heel
as she steps upon his head
to reach the throne

he's a puppet
on a string
a puppet
fulfilling her dreams

Oh, mommy dearest
a charade
for the whole world to see
on bended knee
they praise her
because she's closest to the throne
but they don't realize
that she's robbed him
of a family of his own
she poisoned his character
for her own selfish gain
she's a harlot for the spotlight
she has no shame


"Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house
shared with a contentious woman." ~King Solomon



Electric Light Orchestra ~ Evil Woman


"but a fool and his money
soon go separate ways
and you found a fool
lyin' in a daze
ha, ha, woman
what you gonna do
you destroyed all the virtues
that the Lord gave you"


Monday, December 29, 2014

Broken Chord

I saw you there, there amongst the crowd.
I was surprised to see you but then again...
I always knew that you would eventually come
to see the King!

It was over 5 years ago when my phone rang and I saw Paul's name pop up.  I just stared at my phone for a few seconds, halfway shocked that he was calling me.  I wasn't sure if I should answer it or not but something within me told me to pick it up...

Me:  Hello

Paul:  Hey, Farfalla it's me Paul.  I didn't think you'd pick up.

Me:  Why are you calling me?  I responded with a harsh voice.

Paul:  I wanted... listen... I just wanted to ask you if you'd talk to him for me.

Me:  You're asking me to speak to him on YOUR behalf???  Don't try to befriend me when your intentions are to hurt him, Paul.  You know where I stand and where I have always stood.  I have been loyal to him and I will NOT waiver, not now... not EVER!

Paul:  Lisa, calm down!  Look... I know how you feel about him.

Me:  Then why would you even consider it, Paul?

Paul:  Because you have his ear... you also see deeper than most... just tell me this... do you ever see any future for us?

Silence...

It was at that point that I saw a flash/vision, or whatever you want to call it? I call them 'Video Clips from Heaven,' because it's like a 30 second flash and then it's gone.

What I saw shocked me.

I saw Paul standing in front of me with two broken arms and one broken leg.  I know there are symbolic meanings to the things that I see but at that very moment, I had no clue what it meant?

Paul:  Farfalla are you still there?

I said the first thing that popped into my mind...

Me:  Paul, there are a lot of things that are broken that need to heal and some bones heal quicker than others.  I will continue to pray for all of you.


"A time to break down and a time to build up." ~King Solomon


A few months had passed when Paul contacted me again.  I didn't pick up this time, x was leaving the following day and I had a lot going on.  Paul was the last person I needed to talk to. Although he did leave a message on my voice mail, so I decided to listen to it.

He said it was VERY important that he talks to me.  He even had the nerve to ask me if I would meet him in person?  Whatever?!  I just deleted the message.

But later that day as I was packing x's things, I kept thinking about Paul. Ugh!

I finally looked up at the ceiling and said to God, "Ok, ok, if you want me to go meet with him, then I will go."

A few days later I called Paul back and agreed to meet with him.


"A time to weep and a time to laugh." ~King Solomon


I had arrived early that afternoon, at the little cafe by the beach.  I wanted to pray before Paul got there.

I felt uneasy and was sick to my stomach.  A million thoughts were going through my mind and my emotions were all over the place.  I would never do anything to hurt x and I felt like I was betraying him by being there.  I started praying and I asked God, "Why are you having me do this?  I need to get out of here."

Just as I was thinking about leaving, I saw Paul walking up but he wasn't alone... Mitch was with him.

Oh boy, here we go, I thought?!

We sat down and ordered drinks and a few appetizers.  I just listened, as Mitch did most of the talking.  He is very smart and was very detailed in his approach.

Me:  Who am I, that you would ask of me, what you are asking?

Mitch:  You hold the key Farfalla... we've tried for years to work it out with him and several people in the industry have tried to talk to him, too.

As they continued to speak, I noticed a desperation in their voices.  They seemed to have it all worked out and proceeded to explain to me how great it would be.  But I discerned that it was all self-motivated.

Me:  I apologize, but neither one of you honor or value him for WHO he is. You've treated him as common, when God has called him blessed.  I'm not saying that he is better than either one of you, I'm just saying that you guys STILL don't get it!

It was at that point that they started to plead with me and I began to feel really uncomfortable.  But when they offered me money, it sparked this RAGE inside of me that I can't quite explain.

Me:  How dare you insult my integrity.  I would never take a penny from either one of you, nor from anyone else for that matter.  You can't put a price tag on his anointing.  Don't you ever contact me again!

I got up, threw money down on the table and walked away!

They were yelling for me to come back and then Paul screamed...

Yeah, that's what we thought... you haven't changed 'Tahnee,' referring to my stage name when I was a stripper.

I ran to my car completely shaken, as tears rolled down my face.


"A time to mourn and a time to dance." ~King Solomon


A year or so later...

I was at Barnes and Noble doing some last minute Christmas shopping.  I grabbed a book and headed to the third floor to get some coffee and enjoy the lights.  As I approached the balcony, I noticed Paul sitting there having coffee and eating pringles.  I tried to avoid him but it was too late, he saw me...

Paul:  Hey Farfalla, how are you?  Will you sit down for a minute, please?

Feeling a bit uneasy, I reluctantly sat down.

As I sat down I noticed something in his eyes that seemed different? Or maybe it was just the first time that I had ever seen him with his hair pulled back away from his face?!

I listened to him as he began to share the heartache that he was going through.  I couldn't hold back the tears, as I listened to him.  I could see the humbleness in his eyes and I could hear it in his voice.  I told him that I was sorry for his loss.

He reached across the table to touch my hand.

My mind was saying, "Don't touch me" but my heart was saying, "Pray for him."

It was then and there that I felt like this was the biggest test of my FAITH, ever!

The man that caused so much pain, the one who hurt the one that I love and the one that I considered to be the enemy for so long, was asking me to pray for him?

My heart was pounding hard and fast.

I just grabbed ahold of his hand and began to pray... Tears started flowing, years of heartache and pain, words unspoken, touching our hearts, bonding us together in forgiveness and peace, through LOVE, in Jesus name.

He was squeezing my hand so tight and we were both crying.  By the time I was done praying my arm was completely numb.  As I opened my eyes, all I could see was a blurred vision of our arms laying upon the table.


"a threefold cord is not quickly broken." ~King Solomon


That is when I realized...

He and I, were the two broken arms that I had seen in my vision a few years earlier.  I was completely speechless.

Paul:  Farfalla, do you remember shortly after we met, I had a dream of all of us being in paradise.  You were standing at the shore and were begging all of us to get in the water, but none of us would get in.  I asked you what the dream meant.  Do you remember what you told me?

Me:  That was over two decades ago... what did I say?

Paul:  You told me that the "water" represented healing and refreshing, like a new beginning.  I'll never forget that.  It didn't make sense back then because we were all friends and we were all together.  But it makes perfect sense, now.  I finally get it.  I finally understand what you've been saying, all of these years. 

I was totally crying as he continued...

I never meant to hurt him, we were young and... I just want the opportunity to tell him in person that I'm sorry.

Me:  Paul, if you feel led to go, then go.  You may be surprised at the outcome?

Paul:  I can't.  You know every time I've tried to approach him those people have stopped me.

Me:  Paul, Listen to me... "those" people can try but they CANNOT stop the will of God.

He squeezed me tight as we headed out the door.

Paul:  You know what, girl?  You've always had the power to turn the heart of the king.

Me:  Well, it's not me but the power of the Holy Spirit, inside of me.

Paul:  Maybe?  Hey, do you remember our three way "together forever" handshake we used to do?

Me:  Hahaha!  How could I forget?  Remember that none of us would ever say the word "goodbye".

Paul:  Oh yeah... c-ya later.

We both laughed, hugged each other and then went our separate ways.


"a time to love and a time to hate." ~King Solomon


Shortly after I got home x called me.  He began to tell me about the Spiritual experience he had just experienced, onstage that night...

my leg was bothering me and i couldn't run around as much, so i skipped the next song and went straight over to the piano.  as soon as i sat down and started to play, it began to rain and all of the sudden i had this out of body experience.  it took me way back to when we were first starting out.  it was so pure and surreal...

I listened intently, as chills went up and down my spine.

i can't explain it?  but i feel refreshed and restored.  how long have you been a part of this?

A part of what?

i saw you there... the past, the present and the future.  i've searched for loyalty my whole life and you've always been there.

And at that very moment, I felt as if I was standing upon the shore and they were all walking towards the water.

to everything there is a season and time for every purpose under heaven, right?

Yes... for He has made everything beautiful in its time.

well hold on beautiful, it's almost time.


"A time for war and a time for peace." ~King Solomon



Bon Jovi ~ Never Say Goodbye


"never say goodbye
never say goodbye
you and me and my old friends
hopin' it would never end"






Saturday, November 8, 2014

Powder Blue

"a bird touches your soul unlike any other"... x


My sweet Powder Blue
I will forever miss you
you brought paradise into my life
for a brief moment in time
your emerald eyes
sparkled through my soul
and touched a part of me, unknown
clothed in purple wings
like royal robes from heaven
you humbled me
and brought me closer to the throne
I will miss your songs in the morning
your chatter in the evenings
your big personality
and childlike innocence
now silence fills these walls
and my soul is cast down
as my eyes ring the blues
and my heart slowly bleeds
I'm left here to grieve
a loss I can't explain
that destroyed a piece of me
O my precious baby Powder
I am so sorry
I wasn't there
to protect you
suffocating in sadness
I will never hear you say
"I love you"
for now you are in heaven
a messenger in my dreams
revealing His majesty
and comforting me as I sleep
I can't wait to hold you again
Someday
I must believe
but until then
I have your little brother
his name is 'Shadow Blue'
in honor of you
a gentle spirit
he loves to praise and worship
the King
I am sure you can hear him sing
making beautiful music
in memory of you

Goodbye, my sweet Powder Blue
I will forever love you.


"in the night His song shall be with me" ~King David





Tesla ~ Paradise



"My sweet paradise
you are the reason why
it tears me up inside
and I break down and cry
didn't wanna say
goodbye paradise"