The Moon Is In On It

"the moon is in on it"...x

It was like time froze for a moment, and I was taken back to that place in time. My mind began to wander back to that day right before dusk. I recall sitting on the park bench writing him a note, when out of nowhere he and his friend rode up on their motorcycles. I was embarrassed so I covered my face. He shouted, "come on, let's go." I ran and jumped on the back of his bike as I handed him the note. He stuck it in the pocket of his leather jacket as we took off. I was hopelessly devoted. I felt so much freedom and so much happiness as the wind was blowing through my hair. I remember the lights - the lights of the cars - the streetlights - the lights on the buildings - and the smell of his leather jacket as I held him close. We rode down to the beach that night. The aroma of the ocean and the sound of the waves crashing along the shore were music to my ears. We talked about our dreams and danced on the sand. Our future seemed so far in the distance. I recall us lying on the sand and gazing up at the moon and the stars. We were young, we were playful, and we were free.

"What is desired in a man is kindness." -King David

I was startled and awakened by my dogs barking and a loud knock on my front door. I grabbed my robe and went to answer it.

I opened the door and said, what time is it?

sorry, i needed to see you. i brought some hamburgers, i figured you needed to eat. 

Thank you, you are always so kind to me.

He jumped up on the kitchen counter, pulled out a hamburger from the bag, and handed it to me. I grabbed a few French fries, took a sip of coke and continued...

So crazy, I was just having a dream, and it was like someone hit the replay button and replayed that night when we were young and we took a ride on your motorcycle down to the beach. Do you remember? You were surprised that I was wearing red, and you sang "Lady in Red" in my ear, while we danced on the sand.

“you are my forevermore”…x

you never wear red.

Haha, I still don't.

i knew that night…

do you remember what i said when i read your note?

How could I ever forget? 

did you think i was joking? 

I didn't know what to say. I was completely speechless as he grabbed my hands and continued... 

forty f**king years, Lisa. forty f**king years...what the hell happened? how long are we going to fake this shit and stay silent? i did the self-assessment. you need to do the same.

I was crying and shaking my head in agreement as I spoke softly…

I know you're right. I will do the self-assessment and I will say whatever you want me to say.

He smiled, smacked me on the butt, and said, "get dressed...let's go."

Where are we going to go this late?

to look at the moon and stars... and talk to God.

"He made the moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever." -King David

Lady in Red ~ Chris De Burgh

Lady in red

Is dancing with me, cheek to cheek

There's nobody here, it's just you and me

It's where I want to be

O my dove

There's nothin' I could say

That would mean more to me

Than this song that holds the key

O my dove

dove's eyes

November 26, 2025 - Excerpt from my previous blog: Reindeer Games

As I gradually awoke to the sound of his piano playing, his song still lingered in my mind. I sat up and said to him, "Your song keeps echoing in my sleep. It's melting my heart. I pray that you will release it so the world can experience the beauty... but you do know that I'm singing it, ‘O my dove’ instead of "Oh my love." haha

A dove's love is forever!

Nothin' by Guns N' Roses released on December 4th, 2025

There's nothin' I could see

That would mean more to me 

Than what you are to me

Oh, my love

There's nothin' I could see

That would mean more to me

Than what you are to me

Oh, my love

On a stormy sea

Of implications

Love has given me

A new way

There's nothin' I can see

That could mean more to me 

Than what you are to me

Oh, my love

There's nothin' I can see

That could mean more to me

Than what you are to me

Oh, my love

On the reckless sea

Of vindication

Your love has given me

A new way to redeem myself

When it feels like no one else

Would ever care to save me

There's nothin' I could see

That would mean more to me 

Than what you are to me

Oh, my love

On an endless sea

Of complications

Your love has offered me a new way

Without your love

I'd never make it

Without your love

I'm so alone

Without you

I'd never make it

Without you

I'd never make this thing alone

Nothin' ~ Guns N' Roses

O my dove...

My heart is beating out of my chest.

I have butterflies on fire and tears at the same time,

and it's melting my heart.

Thank you for releasing this song.

I'm so proud of you!

Reindeer Games

"don't get caught up in their reindeer games"...x

It was late Saturday afternoon, and I was in his kitchen frosting Christmas cookies I had just baked. The daughter of his assistant walked in and asked me if I could remind him about the appointment they had, before they were late. I grabbed a few cookies and some milk and headed into the living room. When I walked in, I saw boxes of what looked like books. I set the cookies and milk down and let him know he had to leave in 15 minutes. “yes dear,” he replied. When I got closer, I saw that he was writing on one of them and said, “Can I have that?” "no," he replied. “Why not?” "because you're getting your own." I thought for a minute and then said, “But I want the one you wrote on.” He looked at me, smiled, rolled his eyes, and shook his head. He knows I like to keep everything he writes on.

I went back into the kitchen to finish frosting the cookies. A few minutes later, he called out my name. I returned to the living room. "hey, could you pray for me before this meeting? it's really important, and pray for my headache too." I put my hand on his head and began to pray. I felt something in his hair but waited until I finished. I said, “What's in your hair?” I ran my fingers through his hair and realized it was frosting from the cookies I had baked. 

"Of course, there's frosting in your hair. Sweet glory, your feathers are frosted... this meeting is going to go in your favor."

 

"haha, very funny. "hey, i need you to run to the store while I'm gone and wrap the rest of these."

"Sure, is there a specific type or color of wrapping paper you'd like?" 

"yes, reindeer and trees."

I went to the kitchen to clean up after baking. Shortly after, the assistant's son came into the kitchen and sat on the barstool, eating strawberry pretzels as we talked about the kids. He then asked me if I wanted to drive x's car to the store to get the wrapping paper, as he pulled out a key that was in a lockbox. I said, "No way, but I'd love to see it." We then headed out to the garage to take a look at his new car.

Once out in the garage, we found a group of people playing poker. I noticed a few girls in the corner who caught my attention, they started whispering and giving me dirty looks. I also saw an elderly gentleman who had dropped a significant amount of cash without noticing. I approached him to let him know and picked up his cash, which was about $300.00 and handed it to him. He was pleasantly surprised and thanked me for my honesty. After looking at x's car, I said to the assistant's son, "I'm so happy to see you; I can't believe it's been six years." He hugged me and then I asked, "Do you want me to pick up some avocados while I'm out?" We both started laughing at this inside joke.

As I drove, I thought about the people in the garage and I asked God, "Was that a test that I just passed?"

"As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You."

After returning, I found the place empty, so I wrapped all the gifts and placed them under the tree. I put on worship music, prayed and anointed his windows and doors with oil, as I often do. I then went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate and went to admire the beautiful Christmas tree. I pondered what x had said earlier, 'don't get caught up in their reindeer games.' 

You see, we often get sidetracked by others and the games they play. Sometimes, it's just a test that we need to pass. We must navigate past all the chaos, the slander, cyber bullying and the jealousy. We need to rise above the drama. If we're not careful, we'll get entangled in battles or carry unnecessary burdens that we were never meant to carry. It's all a distraction from the enemy to exhaust us and stir us off the path to our destiny. We need to shut it down and silence the voices. Turn a deaf ear to all the negativity and the devil's schemes. We must yield to the Holy Spirit.

As 9:00 approached and he still hadn't returned, I grabbed a blanket and went to lay down on the couch. I gazed into the fireplace, thanking God for this moment. I never take for granted the time spent in His presence, treasuring the quietness, safety and peace.

I dozed off for a brief period and had a vivid dream. I could hear his song playing as I found myself in a snowy landscape, where two reindeer approached me. Their eyes began to transform color, from gold to a radiant blue. The first reindeer said, "Your eyes are like mine, they are sensitive to the spiritual realm causing them to change color.” The second reindeer said, "Your nose is like mine, when you inhale the coldness it activates the heat to keep you warm inside." Your presence is an activation key… you were born to unlock kings."

Both reindeer instructed me to use these gifts to decode patterns, dreams, numbers and time. They also stated that something was about to validate the dream.

As I gradually awoke to the sound of his piano playing, his song still lingered in my mind. I sat up and said to him, "Your song keeps echoing in my sleep. It's melting my heart. I pray that you will release it so the world can experience the beauty... but you do know that I'm singing it, ‘O my dove’ instead of "Oh my love." haha

He smiled and said, "you were right about the meeting." “YAY! Praise God. I'm so excited. This is going to be your year.” “our year," he replied.

"come here." I got up to go sit next to him on the piano bench. I noticed there was a wrapped gift on the piano, but I didn't give it much thought. He started playfully singing, “you know dasher and dancer and prancer and vixen, comet and cupid and donner and blitzen... open the gift.” I opened the gift and noticed the box was from Temple St. Clair, inside was a reindeer bracelet engraved with 'Dancer.'

"you'll always be my favorite dancer," he said. I cried as he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and I responded, “And you'll always be my favorite singer. Thank you for this beautiful gift."

“Will you sing me a song from Zion?” He began to anoint the keys with his fingers and started to sing, Psalm 42 ‘As the deer.’ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel the intense heat in my belly as we began to worship.

You alone are my heart's desire

and I long to worship Thee

You alone are my strength, my shield

to You alone may my spirit yield

I was deeply moved by the beauty of this masterpiece. As I opened my eyes, I could see the face of the deer in his Christmas tree, staring back at me. The experience was truly breathtaking, and I felt so grateful for this majestic evening in His presence.

As the Deer ~ Shane & Shane

Thorns of Surrender

"if you want the rose, you have to accept the thorns"...x

It was almost midnight, and I was still fussing to get everything in order. I was trying not to think about what was coming or what the purpose of this midnight rendezvous was all about. I just knew that the tone in his voice sounded serious.

I lit the candles in front of me and then I heard the sound of the door unlock. I took a deep breath as my heart sank. I turned towards the door as he walked in. He looked at me and just smiled. I said, "you made it." He just stared at me and didn't say a word. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked. "don't move, i just want to look at you," he said. My eyes began to tear up; I don't know how he does this, but it's like he's looking through me.

I felt nervous, so I looked at the floor. Within seconds he was in front of me hugging me, and whispering in my ear. I began to cry. "i'm right here, i'm right here" he said, as he squeezed me tight.

He walked over to turn some music on and went to sit in the chair next to the fire. I went to grab us a drink and a few cupcakes I had made earlier. I returned to see one of my cats sitting on his lap, and him singing..."'cause baby, can't you see, we need to spend some time alone, we need to see some dreams come true, I joined in... i wanna feel you touching me, we need a midnight rendezvous."

We talked for hours, but it seemed to go by so quickly. I grabbed my phone to check the time and it was 3:00 AM.

"give me your phone," he said. I handed him my phone. I got up and went to make him some hot tea with honey. When I returned, I handed him the tea and sat down on the floor in front of him. I noticed he had tears in his eyes. I thought maybe something in my phone bothered him, but I didn't say anything? 

I was drinking my tea and staring at the fire when I started thinking about what he had said earlier: "if you want the rose, you have to accept the thorns." It led me to ponder Paul's thorn in the flesh, as described in the Bible. He pleaded with God three times to remove it. God said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness." God didn't remove the thorn. He wasn't ignoring him. He was telling Paul that He already gave him everything he needed to come out victoriously from this situation. Sometimes when we feel we are at our weakest, that's when God is the strongest within us. We don't always get what we want, but God knows what we need. 

"it's inside of you, set it ablaze"...x

It was so quiet for what seemed like an hour, but it was probably only 10 minutes when he whispered, "Farfalla." I turned to look at him as he repeated my name again... Farfalla, this reads like a storybook; you have to put this together." 

He began reading excerpts from my dream journal recorded in my phone. I put my head down in his lap in embarrassment at some of the personal details of these dreams. He kept reading and saying, it's inside of you... it's inside of you; set it ablaze. 

My stomach felt like butterflies on fire as I felt the heat with every word he spoke. 

"we cannot separate... are you hearing me? we cannot separate." he said sternly. 

I was crying and shaking my head, yes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I screwed up. You kept warning me, I should've listened to you, I've wasted so many years." I said. 

"shh, shh... wake up, sleeping beauty; it's not wasted years but divine timing." he said, as he wiped the tears from my face. 

He whispered something in my ear about Seth, then told me, "do what he says! he is all three in one; you need to love him in all three ways. he has to be ready and you are the key… promise me!" 

I was crying hysterically and said, "I promise, I promise." 

He grabbed my face with his hands and continued, "you are drawn to the deep; you crave the mysteries of God, they can't see what you see... they see a pauper, but you see a king. 

listen, let them spin the narrative any way they want to. you know, i know and God knows and that's all that matters... 

you have one life and one love... let it go and surrender!" 

Briar Rose

U2 - One

one love

one blood

one life, you got to do what you should

one life, with each other

we get to carry each other, carry each other

 

forevermore 🥀

"you are my forevermore"...x

Although my Farfalla Dreams blog has been dormant for years, I am deeply humbled by the fact that it still attracts a considerable number of daily visitors. Given the vast array of podcasts and social media content available, it is truly remarkable that people continue to find value in reading.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you, particularly the dedicated fans of AxL and Guns N' Roses for your ongoing support and engagement with my blog. I also appreciate your messages and comments, all of which I read. 🦋🌹

Maybe I should start writing and posting again?

"through the eyes of a butterfly"...x

November Rain ~ Guns N' Roses

"if we could take the time to lay it on the line

i could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine

all mine"

Be Mine

"you'll always be mine"...x

I was having a conversation with x a while ago and he was frustrated with people asking questions and trying to get information about him. He said...

famous or not, why does that give anyone the right to stick their nose into my personal business, to pull out skeletons in my closet or to rip open old wounds? are my fans entitled to know everything? what gives them the right to invade my past, present, and future? where do I draw the line between a fan and a stalker? it's never enough for them. do they realize the more digging they do, the less access they will have to me and anyone that is close to me?

His tone went from anger to almost remorseful...

do you realize how many women think i'm their prince charming and i'm gonna ride up on a horse someday and rescue them?

He wasn't saying it in a prideful or arrogant way, he was just making a point but I was taken aback by his question. I felt as if he felt responsible in some way or perhaps a little guilty for the way these women felt.

In my mind I was thinking, "Yes, of course I know how many women are after him. He's famous, so of course there's probably millions?"

Once he was done I said softly. "I know it might be scary for you but maybe they just want to know you more so they feel closer to you."

Irritatedly he said, "are you high?... this isn't fantasyland."

"Fantasy and reality often overlap." ~Walt Disney

A couple of years ago my son signed up for an online dating site and I was upset about it. I didn't understand why he would need to be on a dating site and I feared for his safety. He would tell me, “this is the world we live in mom, everyone meets online now."  Thankfully after a few months and a few bad experiences with online dating, he canceled his account.

I'm not saying there's anything bad about dating sites or being on one. I know several people who have met their significant other online and they have wonderful relationships. However, I do believe we've lost the innocence and excitement of getting to know someone by spending quality time together and building a relationship, as you go. Allowing the person to reveal who they are in their timing, when they feel comfortable sharing it. Instead people want instant access to knowing everything about another person and who they are, before they will even consider going on a date.

This is the world we live in.

"and all these things shall be added unto you." ~Jesus

This past Valentine's Day I started thinking about my conversation with x.

One thing that most of us women have in common is we will hold on to the Fairytale ending. We will forever believe that Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse someday, rescue us, bring us to the Palace, and we will live happily ever after.

But life doesn't always work out that way. The good girl doesn't always get the Prince in the end. The nice one doesn't always end up in the Palace. Sometimes, it's the wicked ones that end up with the Prince. Sometimes it's the evil one that makes it into the Palace. Often times it's not love that she's after but money rules her heart. Or perhaps you did end up with the Prince but found out that he was just a frog?

So, what is it about this Fairytale that we were told when we were young that keeps us believing? That keeps us hoping. The fairytale that we will never give up on.

I believe it's because we were created to KNOW our Creator. We are forever searching to fill this void inside of us. In fact the Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God.

Something to ponder?!

King David said, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you ALL the desires of your heart."

So what does that mean exactly? I believe it means if we take delight in God then we will find peace and fulfillment in Him. He knows our deepest desires and He will give us what we are longing for and need. Many people delight in their status, wealth and material possessions, hence they are always wanting more. They are never satisfied with what they have, therefore they lack happiness.

"A merry heart does good like medicine." ~King Solomon

A few days ago we spent some quality time together. One thing I love is being able to go to my brother's restaurant and have the whole place to ourselves. We can go and enjoy a great meal and communicate, without worrying about people interrupting us. And he doesn't have to disguise himself. While we were discussing something, one of my favorite verses in the Bible written by King David popped in my head and I just blurted it out...

"My heart is filled with a noble theme as I recite my verses to the king."

"you always know how to pierce my heart," he said.

"Not me but the Spirit inside of me," I replied.

"give me one of yours, just off the top of your head."

you are the greatest fairytale of all

the frog

the prince

the king

and everything in between

you are desired amongst the fairest of them all

wishing they were your queen

We both burst out laughing.

Since I don't have you - Guns N' Roses

"i don't have plans and schemes

and i don't have hopes and dreams

i, i, i don't have anything

since i don't have you."

Above all names

"i see everything in your eyes"... x

Whenever someone hears his name they always ask me, "Where did his name come from?" or "Did you name him after Princess Diana's fiancé, Dodi El Fayed?

I then tell them about my dream...

An angel appeared to me in a dream and handed me a kitten. He said, "his name is called Dodi."

When I awoke from this dream I wrote it down in my dream journal and then I looked up the meaning of the name Dodi.

Pronounced Dough-dee: which means, "well loved, precious gift."

Several months later I received this adorable kitten as a gift, therefore I named him Dodi.

Whenever Dodi looks up at me, I am reminded of the angel in my dream. Dodi's eyes are so heavenly and I am so thankful for this precious gift. I also continue to share my story about him with others.

"i have a surprise for you"... x

A few weeks ago I was thinking about all the name changes in the Bible. It fascinates me that Jesus changed people's names. This shows me the importance of a name and the meaning behind it. Our name is our identity and our identity is our purpose.

As I was pondering this I began thinking about all the people that are struggling in this world. They are broken, bitter, depressed and lost. Most of them don't know or don't understand the power of Jesus' name. They don't know that His name is above any other name. They don't realize that they can call upon His name and be healed and restored from anything that they are going through or struggling with.

I myself am going through a season of heartache. My dad has cancer and I've been completely heartbroken. I was telling x that it's so hard to watch him be in so much pain and become weaker and weaker. He said, "if God could do it for Hezekiah then he can do it for your dad."

Those words pierced my heart and re-reading this story about Hesekiah in the Bible has given me so much hope. I'm calling upon Jesus name to heal my father and I'm praying for a Christmas miracle. I'm also praying for all of those that are hurting during this season.

As we exchange gifts this Christmas, let us not forget about the most precious gift sent down from heaven above.

May we be reminded that we are well loved and may we never stop telling His story.

Merry Christmas!

CeeLo Green ~ Mary did you know

Goddess of Wisdom

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." James 1:17

From the day you were born, I knew you were special. The first time I held you in my arms and you looked at me with your big round eyes, my heart melted. My sweet Athena, you lived up to your name. You were so beautiful and precious.

Although you spent the first 6 months of your life in and out of hospitals, you were still purring and so loving. The experts said you wouldn't make it to 3 years old with your condition, but you beat the odds and lived to be 3 1/2 years old. You fought for your life with all that you had and through it all you were so gracious and sweet.

You were the topic of the Pet Neurology Convention in Las Vegas as they shared your case. You gave the Veterinarians and Neurologists wisdom and through your willingness to survive, you allowed them to be able to study your case further. They were able to do so much more research and development, so they could help other cats and dogs that suffered with your condition, in the future. When I would take you to see a new Doctor they would already know who you were and they were so excited to meet you.

Athena, you were so loved by everyone who came in contact with you and you left a special mark in their hearts. You had the will power to survive baby girl and I sacrificed all that I had to keep you alive and happy. Since you've been gone, I am at a loss and completely heartbroken. I got so used to you being in bed with me and always giving me kisses at night. I still wake up at 3:00am when I would usually do your medicine and I lay awake and cry.  I miss you so much. I'm so sorry I couldn't stop your seizures and I'm so sorry you suffered the last few days.

Even the Doctor cried when we had to put you down. I'll never forget the way you just stared at me, still purring in my arms and how much I didn't want to let you go. You ended up pulling the catheter out and the Doctor had to inject you twice. Until the very end, you were still fighting for your life.

My sweet angel, you taught your mama what it truly means to love unconditionally, to sacrifice all that you have and to fight for your life. And most importantly, to fight for love. In sickness and in health, till death do us part.

R.I.P. my precious baby girl.

Athena (June 15, 2015 - November 15, 2018)

• Athena suffered from a condition called FOPS (Feline Oral Facial Syndrome).  She would scratch her face and tongue to the point of bleeding.  We declawed her front paws so she wouldn't hurt herself. After a few years of treatment she completely stopped pawing at her face.  She also suffered with violent seizures which we treated with medication every 6 hours.

Bryan Adams ~ (Everything I do) I do it for you

"I would give it all, I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for

I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more

You know it's true

Everything I do

I do it for you."

Fallin'

"when are you gonna quit tolerating it?"...x

It was a gorgeous fall day and many people came out to hear the music and listen to my Pastor preach. I loved seeing everyone worshiping The King. It was such a diverse crowd, from old people to the youth and everyone in between. The Holy Spirit was flowing and the music was spirit filled. My Pastor came up to me with a big smile on his face and said "I'm stoked that so many people showed up, I've never seen a revival break out like this before." "Me either, it's amazing," I responded.

After my Pastor spoke the crowds began to disperse. I started to clean up. By the time I was finished a mild fog had rolled in and the air became misty and cold. I looked out into the field and noticed a woman sitting in the distance with long dark hair. I then saw a man walk up to her, bend down and whisper something in her ear as he glared over at me. The woman turned around and glanced over her shoulder to look at me. I recognized who the man was as he was walking away.

I started walking briskly towards the woman. Once I got closer it appeared as if she was digging in the dirt or burying something? She didn't notice me at first until I started speaking. "What did he say?" I said, in a stern voice. Her eyes were completely glossed over as she looked up at me and said, "He said that we're going to kill you."

I immediately rebuked her, "Well, you can't kill me unless God gives you permission to kill me." She smiled put her head down and said, "Not now, but during the summer months." I yelled back at her, "Like I said, he can't kill me unless God gives him permission to kill me and if God gives him permission, then I guess I'll get to heaven sooner. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ."

She never looked up or responded back to me and it was as if she was frozen in time.

I started running back through the field and ran up to my sisters screaming, "Where's Seth, where's Seth?" They told me to calm down and asked me what was wrong? I began to tell them about the woman in the field as I was frantically trying to call x. My sisters were telling me that there wasn't any woman sitting in the field. I grabbed them by their arms as I was pleading with them to believe me. Once I touched them, I heard the sound of breaking bones.

I awoke from this dream and immediately started praying and casting out the evil spirits.

The Black Crowes ~ She talks to angels

A few days later I was talking to x about my dream and he said, "everyone's poppin' pills, drinking and trying to escape the pain. maybe you should tell them how to get set free?"

He then shared a poem he wrote. I am paraphrasing the poem because I don't want to put his complete poem out there.

i once felt trapped by a butterfly

so i clipped her wings

put her in a cage

n' there she stayed

all the days of her life. 

never to be free or able to fly

as the days fluttered on by

i studied her every move

how could she be caged

yet so at peace and free

today, I'm still fascinated by her wings

"you're not going anywhere"...x

I thought about what x said and his poem about the butterfly. So many people seem like they are caged and can't break free from whatever addiction or sin they are struggling with. People believe that what they are carrying is a disease or it's been passed down from generation to generation. It seems as if they accept it as who they are. It's just a part of them and so they find different ways to deal with the pain.

When I wrote my previous blog 'The Invitation,' I received several questions about how to pray to get rid of evil spirits and how to be free from sin. I believe one of the reasons people are so angry, hateful and being tormented today, is because they're in bondage to sin. Many people are stuck and don't know what to do to be set free. They are fighting addictions and sin on their own without the One that can help them break free.

One spirit that I notice that is more prevalent today is the Jezebel spirit. The world calls it narcissism.

The Jezebel spirit is not gender biased, this spirit can operate in a man or woman. This spirit wants you to defile yourself through sexual immorality.

There are six characteristics of a Jezebel spirit. Insecurity, rejection, pride, arrogance, manipulation and control. This spirit operates in manipulation, intimidation. deception, lying and fear.

There are four effects of this spirit that is projected onto others, which is fear, isolation, exhaustion, and depression. Thoughts of depression, suicide, sexual impurity, thoughts of quitting or resigning are also symptoms of a Jezebel spirit. The people that operate in this, manipulate mainly through guilt. The goal of this spirit is to disqualify you for ministry and your destiny.

Most people that operate in the Jezebel spirit were rejected by their father and have a dominant mother. And most people are afraid to confront a Jezebel spirit or a narcissist because they fear the reaction they will get back. But the Jezebel spirit only has power if you tolerate it.

There are many spirits that people are being tormented by. We need to break these evil spirits from our lives.

We all need freedom and we all need to be set free. It's time for the drifters and prodigals to come home to Jesus.

"you need to die to this thing"...x

I found this prayer by Pastor Robert Morris and I think he covers everything you may be struggling with or tormented by.

PRAYER:

Father, I ask you to forgive me for all of my sin and I ask you to release me from every bondage, in Jesus name.

Lord, right now by the authority You've given me, I take authority over Satan and I address every demonic spirit that's held me in bondage, in Jesus name and I command it to go, in Jesus name.

In Jesus name it is not the authority of my voice, it's the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ.  I am covered by the blood of the Lamb, I'm overcome by the word of my testimony.  I'm born again not of corruptible seed but incorruptible seed that lives and abides forever and the angels are mighty in strength watch over Your word to perform it.  The word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword, it's sweeter than honey and purer than gold and His name is the word of God and by the word of God and by the blood of the Lamb we are set free today.

I take authority over every spirit of bitterness or unforgiveness or resentment or hate or malice or envy or jealousy and I command you to go right now in Jesus name.

I rebuke every spirit of insecurity of inferiority, fear, rejection, self hate, self pity, self destruction, in Jesus name.

Suicide, I command you to go right now, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of anger, or rage, or murder, or violence, or lawlessness, I command you to go, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of sexual immorality, sexual impurity, adultery, fornication, lust, pornography, all forms of sexual impurity, I command you to go right now, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of pride or lying or the Jezebel spirit, rebellion, deception, manipulation, control, I command you to go, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of criticism, judgmentalism, arrogance, prejudice, or racism, I command you to go, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of greed, materialism, selfishness, covetousness, selfish ambition, I command you to go.

Addiction. alcoholism, drunkeness, drugs, gluttony, I command you to go, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of legalism or religious pride or heresy, or false doctrine, I command you to go, in Jesus name.

Every spirit of stealing of slothfulness or laziness, unbelief, rebellion to authorities, go in Jesus name.

Every spirit of guilt, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, I command you to go in Jesus name.

Every spirit of sickness or disease, infirmities, chronic health issues, I say go in Jesus name.

Every spirit of witchcraft, the occult or blasphemy, I command you to go in Jesus name.

I break every word, curse and spell spoken into me, in Jesus name.

Every generational curse, I command you to go right now in Jesus name.

Every demonic spirit that has held me in bondage, I command you to go right now in Jesus name.

Lord, I receive the Holy Spirit and will You fill me with the Holy Spirit in every place the evil spirits left, in Jesus name, Amen.

"The bright lights and late nights

the devil took me on a midnight ride

left me out in the desert on my own"