Saturday, February 26, 2011

His Cup

"there is no favor without faithfulness"... x

I heard exactly what he said the other night... but it wasn't until this evening, that I realized what he meant.

We shared an amazing dinner and a bottle of wine, a few nights ago.  After dinner, I went into the kitchen to get the Tiramisu that I had made for dessert.

As I was returning, I noticed his shadow dancing on the wall, from the illumination of the three candles that were burning.  I was MESMERIZED for a few seconds and I thought to myself, "No matter how dark things may appear, he is always covered in the light."

I walked back over to the table and handed him his dessert, as he reached over to open the most expensive bottle of liquor that he had.  I became a little nervous, being that I'm not much of a drinker.

I didn't want him to waste it on my account, so I told him to save it for the the boys in the band.  I figured they would enjoy it, much more than I would. ;)

"it's not the quality of drink but the one who shares your glass, that matters"...  he responded.

He proceeded to open the bottle and handed it to me.  I took the bottle and poured the liquor into his glass.  He then slid his glass across the table, over to me.  I took a sip from his cup, it was strong but smooth.  He smiled, as I handed his glass back to him and then he took a sip.

Simultaneously, we both started singing to the sound of The Rolling Stones, that was playing in the background...

"Oh baby why you wait so long,
Ohh baby why you wait so long,
Won't you come on, come home"

I did my little "Jagger" dance and then he stood up and out "Jaggered" me! HAHAHA!  We were laughing so hard.

Yes, we all know that he can do "The DANCE" much better than I can but it was still funny.  hehe

For a moment in time, we were just "us"... like we used to.

"it's been too long, i miss you"... x

Tonight as I was looking outside the window of the Motel, it began to rain.  I started to think about what he had said the other night, as my eyes were fixated on the Neon sign in front of me.

You SEE... there is a QUALITY in the way he speaks.  His voice is STRONG yet SMOOTH and there is usually a DOUBLE meaning behind his words.  

Many people will say, that he speaks in parables or that they don't understand the message he's trying to get across.  I on the other hand, tend to dissect his every word.  I want to unveil the hidden TREASURE, that is beneath them.

Suddenly, I felt this coldness in the air, as though it came in from outside and shot straight through me.  It was like there was a VACANT space inside of me!  This is how he must feel, I thought?!  

He is in the spotlight all of the time.  His every move and every word is monitored, twisted, or used against him.  How could he possibly trust anyone?

My mind started to wander...

Who is the "Cupbearer" to the King?

The cupbearer was a highly valued position in the Palace and it was only given to a select few, throughout history.  He was of great influence (and was held at high esteem), due to his confidentiality and LOYALTY to the King. He was the closest person to the King and a TRUE friend.

One of the requirements for being a cupbearer, was to pour the King's drink. Not only did he pour it, but he drank from his cup, before the King would ever take a sip.  This was to guard against anyone who was trying to poison the King.  

WOW!  Can you imagine that???  He would put his life on the line EVERYDAY, for the King.  In return, the King would TRUST him with his very own life, also.

"Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends."

That's when it dawned on me...

He was telling me, that the quality or the cost of the drink didn't matter. The fact that he could be himself, be vulnerable and be around someone that he trusted 100% was WORTH more to him than anything!

A time, that he wasn't worried about what he said or how he said it.  A moment, that he didn't feel alone or vacant.  A KNOWING, that I would bear his cup, whatever the cost.

People often say, "Friends are the ones, you are willing to sit down and share a meal with."  But I believe there's a difference between friends and "true" friends.  

Jesus shared the last supper with His 12 Disciples.  They were His closest friends.  But out of the 12 disciples, one of them betrayed Him and there were only three that He confided in.  And only one out of the three, that He entrusted His ministry to.  Interesting!

During the last supper, Jesus told His disciples to drink from "His Cup" in remembrance of Him.  The cup represented His BLOOD that He was about to shed for them and for all of us.  Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice for you and I.

"His Cup" is the symbol of LIFE.

You SEE, trust and loyalty is not something that's cheap, it is VERY costly.

Love IS sacrifice.

So let me ask you...

Whose cup are you willing to bear?


"Well, I've been haunted in my sleep,
You've been starring in my dreams,
Lord, I miss you."

The Rolling Stones ~ Miss You

"O' My Father if it is possible,
let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, 
not as I will, but as You will." ~Jesus

Friday, February 18, 2011

Touch My Lips

"all that is within me
  is poured out in this notebook
blood, sweat, tears, lust, love, hate, fear,
you name it 
it's here
i wrote the song
 told you i would
nothing ever have i written
so personal and painful
it's all here for you
brutal and ugly
but you see the beauty"

We have been locked up in this Motel for three weeks writing and last night was the most intense session, we have ever had!  I know he was yelling, but I think we are both feeling frustrated.  I keep thinking, how is this even possible???  What is written, I can't even describe or put down into

It is like I was taken on this journey... inside his Sanctuary, past the gates of his heart and into the holy of holies, of his soul.  I can't describe it and I can't stop crying! 

People often quote the saying, "Never criticize a man until you have walked in his shoes," this is hitting my heart like an echo, that is stuck on repeat. 

How do we truly know someone, even if we are really close to them?  We can't feel what their heart feels, because we haven't lived their life.  We can listen, we can cry, we can pray for them, but no matter how much we want to, we can't heal their scars... only God can!

As I am sitting here drinking my coffee this morning, all I can see is this blurred vision of his notebook, sitting in front of me.  I feel clouded and my eyes are fuzzy.  I can't really seem to concentrate.  Maybe I need to get out of this room and get some fresh air or maybe I just need to rest?!  All of this mind, heart, and soul searching the past three weeks, has drained me.  

I prayed for him most of the morning and then I asked God a few questions...   

Why was I given access into his secret place?
What do I do, with something that is of so much value?
You can't put a price tag on someone's heart...
What good is it, if I hold on to it?
Who's words are they anyway?
Mine or his?
We were both here for weeks, writing...
He said that he wrote a new song...
But he also said, that he wanted me to have it...
What do I do, with these precious stones?

"It is sacred, so take your precious stones and create it."

Last night as I was looking through his notebook, I grabbed my dream journal and started flipping through it.  We couldn't believe the similarities in what he wrote and what I had dreamt.

Often times when I dream, I will HEAR things that I have never heard spoken before.  I am very protective and respectful of the other person in the dream, therefore I just pray for them and ask God for answers.

Some people may disagree with me, but...

I believe, that the words BELONG to the person who either SAID them or WROTE them in my dream.  I just need to figure out what I'm supposed to do with them, if anything at all?! 

It's easy if I already know the musician or songwriter... I will just pick up the phone or email him and say, "Hey, you said the best line last night in my dream or you sang this lyric."  I never want to manipulate him or tell him what to do with those words.  What he chooses to do with them, is strictly between him and God.  I give them to him, because I believe they BELONG to him.

BUT, at the same time... what happens if I don't know the musician personally?  This is where I feel conflicted, stuck, and all of the... "He will think" and "He probably," start popping up in my mind...

He will think I'm crazy
He will think I'm a stalker
He will think I'm weird
He probably won't care
He probably doesn't need this
He probably doesn't believe in dreams
He probably... etc. etc.

I could never give something so VALUABLE away to anyone else.  So maybe I'm just supposed to hold on to the words and wait??? 

Ultimately, I believe it comes down to trust!  God has entrusted me with these words and I have to trust Him, also.  

"You have been faithful over a few things,
I will make you ruler over many things"

Jesus you have touched my lips with diamonds, rubies, pearls and healing stones...

Tell me what I should do with them?!

Here I am... feeling like the richest girl in the world!  ;)


Kutless ~ Here I Am
"Take the coal
Touch my lips
Here I am"

Monday, February 14, 2011

San Valentino

"If you find my beloved, tell him that I am lovesick!"


Love Song

Moonlight and Roses


A Poem

Dinner by Candlelight


Chocolate and Raspberries

Take my Hand

 Slow Dance

Under the Velvet Sky

Diamond Eyes

Silk and Lace

A Soft Kiss

May this Last

A Lifetime

amore per sempre

"Who is this coming out of the wilderness, like pillars of smoke?"

St. Valentine, 
Where are you?
Has anyone seen my St. Valentine?
Why is his chariot so long in coming?

San Valentino,
dove sei?
qualcuno ha visto il mio San Valentino?
Why is his chariot so long in coming?

 "Do not stir up nor awaken love... Until it pleases."

There are many people today that are feeling the STING of the other "L" word...  Loneliness.

Please take some time to send them a quick message and let them know, that they are LOVED.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ti Amo!

Bon Jovi ~ Bed of Roses

"I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonight, I'll sleep on a bed of nails
Oh, I wanna be, just as close as
Your Holy Ghost is
Lay you down
On a Bed of Roses"

Friday, February 11, 2011

Ripple in the Water


As I gazed outside his window,
it appeared desolate and bleak to me. 
He softly whispered,
"I saw an Angel come down and stir the sea."

My eyes filled with tears,
as I turned around and looked into his.

I saw the reflection in his eyes...
As the moon
danced upon the water,
 Angelic Wings.

There are times in our life, that we need to look into another's eyes, to see our situation from a different perspective.  As these beautiful words were spoken to me, they gave me hope, in all that I couldn't see. 

For weeks I had pondered his words.  They carried me through a tough situation, that I was going through.  I also prayed during that time and that's when I envisioned the 'Pools of Bathesda.'  

The 'Pools of Bethesda' was a place, where people would gather and wait for an Angel to come down and stir the water, in order for them to receive a miracle.  There were five porches leading into the water.  Interesting, because the number five represents GRACE and I think we could all use a little more grace.  

During that season when the Angel would come down and stir the water, the people would rush towards the water and try to be the first one into the pool.  Whomever stepped into the water first, would be healed of whatever sickness, disease, infirmity, or sorrow, they may be going through.

WOW!  Could you imagine that?  Imagine walking around and seeing all these people, blind, crippled, sick, heartbroken, etc., just sitting there, waiting for a miracle.  They were just staring at the water and waiting for it to be stirred, as their lives were passing them by.

Jesus walked through, these very same people and He was moved with COMPASSION.

As Jesus was walking through the crowd, He saw a man that had been there for many, many years.  He asked the man, "Do you want to be made well?" The man answered, "Sir, I have no man to put me in the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me." Jesus said, "Rise, take up your bed and walk" and immediately the man was made well and he took up his bed and walked.

The amazing thing to me is, that Jesus simply asked him if he wanted to be made well?  He had been waiting by the pool for years, why wouldn't he want to be made well???

Interesting... Jesus just asked him this simple yes or no question.  Instead of answering "yes," this man began telling Him, all of the reasons why he couldn't be healed and that no one would help him.  Jesus then told him, to get up and walk.  His WORDS healed him.

I think there are a lot of people today, that can relate to this man.  They are sitting around in a desolate place and their circumstances that surround them, seem to look impossible to overcome.  They are focusing on all of the reasons, why they can't be healed, or why they can't get out of this place. 

Maybe they have settled in their situation and have become accustomed to living that way... or perhaps they are just stuck and they need someone to help them?  Whether it be an addiction, a sickness, financial difficulties, a broken heart, or depression, there are many people sitting around, waiting for the water to be stirred. 

The stirring of the water, is like a ripple effect... it expands.  Much like encouragement spreads.  Maybe, all of us need to widen our lens and cause this STAGNANT water to be stirred, inside the hearts of others.  

What if, we were all moved by COMPASSION and we took some time to encourage each other, by simply saying... "Don't give up, I'm here for you, It's never too late, Don't sit here any longer, You can do it, You will make it through this, Get up... Walk."

Sometimes, all you need is just one WORD of encouragement, or one person to BELIEVE in you, to make all the difference in the world.

So let me ask you... 

What do you SEE?


Thank you Nikki Sixx for stirring the HEARTS of others and spreading...
Encouragement, Hope and Love.  ~Ti Amo

"We have a way to actually communicate with people
and we've gotta be careful what we're saying, it can't just be bullshit. 
We have to actually say something that matters."  ~Nikki Sixx

Follow Nikki Sixx:

Sixx:A.M. ~ Accidents Can Happen

"Take some time, learn to breathe
And remember what it means
To feel alive, to believe
Something more than what you see"

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Pour on Me

"and you shall take the anointing oil, pour it on his head and anoint him." 

The horn is dry.  

Will someone please fill it with oil and anoint the King?

One question I often get asked is, "What are you talking about when you say someone is anointed, a prophet, or a king?" 

I have been around several Prophets and worked as a personal assistant for one, for many years. I will share some of my personal experiences and what I have learned.  But I will need to write more than just one blog, on this subject.

For now, I will cover my opinion on Prophets of today and I will also use one of the Prophets from the Bible, as a reference.

The interesting thing that I have learned about Prophets is... 

They see the future
They are very gifted and talented
They are usually misunderstood
They are usually 100% loved or 100% hated
They are usually called crazy
Their voice is needed  

There is always an attack to try and SILENCE the prophet.  Throughout the Bible you will often notice a period of time, where Prophets are silent. They are either running from someone who is trying to kill them or they are hiding from those that are trying to hurt them.  Most Prophets seem to go through periods of isolation, depression, and loneliness, as well.  

I often joke with the Prophets that I know and I will say, "WOW!  No wonder Prophets hide in caves for years."  I say this because the attack is so severe.  People never seem to stop going after them.  

"Your head on a platter"... Whatever it takes to keep a Prophet quiet.

So, why is this?  

I believe it's because... One voice, One heartbeat, or One song, has the potential of reaching millions of people (through Jesus), and bringing restoration to our souls.

"I will praise the Lord,
according to His righteousness, 
and will sing praise, to the name
 of the Lord most high." ~King David

I would like to take this opportunity, to introduce to you... 

The Chief Musician, The Poet and Writer of the Psalms, The creator of 200 instruments, The One that had the gift to cause demons to flee, The Shepherd Boy, The One who slayed the Giant, The Victorious Warrior.

He is called...

"A Man after God's Own Heart, The Favored One, The Apple of God's Eye...


He is none other than King David.

The ROCK STAR of his time!

David was tending to his father's sheep when he was a teenager.  Samuel went to his house, took his horn and poured oil over David's head and anointed him King.  At that time the Spirit of God came upon David, also known as the ANOINTING.

Although David didn't step into his DESTINY of being the King until 15 years later. 

So does this mean that he wasn't anointed during those years that he wasn't actually the King?

No, he was still anointed, he was writing poetry and creating music.  From the time he was tending his father's sheep and throughout his time as an armor-bearer in the Palace...

David was being prepared to REIGN as King.

"though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."

The one thing that impresses me the most about David is his gift to cause demons to flee, when he would play his harp and sing.

Prior to David becoming King, Saul was the King and he was tormented by an evil spirit.  Those that lived in the Palace and worked for the King suggested that he have David come and play for him.  King Saul did as they suggested and summoned for David.  He was so impressed with David's gift that he also gave him the position as one of his armor-bearers.

When David would play and sing for King Saul, relief would come to him, he would feel better and the demons would flee.  WOW!  Can you imagine having that gift or maybe you do have it?!  ;)

However, King Saul became jealous of David once he heard that David was anointed to be the next king and therefore he tried to kill him.

David ran and hid for a year from King Saul.  He was fearing for his life.

At one point David had the opportunity to kill King Saul but he was obedient to God's word.

He understood one thing... "Touch not my anointed and do my Prophets no harm."

David wasn't perfect though.  After King Saul's death, David stepped into his DESTINY as King.

He loved music, he loved women, and he also killed a man.

Wait... What was that?

Yes, you heard me correctly.  During his reign as King, David committed adultery.  He then committed murder to try to cover up his adultery and conceal a pregnancy.

YIKES!  So, why was he called, "A Man after God's Own Heart?"  Why would an adulterer and a murderer be considered, "The Apple of God's Eye?"  What did he do to receive these Titles?

"for man looks at the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart"

You see, God isn't looking for perfection, He's looking for someone who loves Him.

King David worshipped and praised God.  Through his music, through his words, in his distress, in his fear, in his loneliness, and in his happiness.  He acknowledged God ABOVE all and IN all that He did.  He wasn't ashamed of His love for God!  

He was REAL and people want a leader who is real.  He was also VERY real with God.  Read through the Psalms and you will SEE for yourself.  He never sugar coated how he felt about God, himself, or his enemies.

Today the horn is dry and this generation is seeking the One that will stand up and be a VOICE.

The One that is not ashamed, the One that will POUR out the Oil and give us HOPE.

The One who has the gift of music to cause the demons to flee and to bring RESTORATION to our souls.

A Man after God's own heart!

So, Let me ask you...

Is there a Prophet amongst us?

Kevin Max - Cave of a Million Songs

"But I'm all alone
with a face of a vagabond
with a sword at my side
and some blood on my tongue
ragamuffin king
with a heart of the Son"