Saturday, August 20, 2011

Seed to Believe

"you're putting our destiny on hold by not going through with this"... x

It was 3:00am on a cold winter night, as I was heading down the backstreet alley in West Hollywood.  I started approaching the old dark building and I felt this eerie chill go up and down my spine.  I could see the long line of people waiting outside to get in.  I passed by the crowd in slow motion.  I captured each face as I passed them by and they all seemed somber and tormented.  I recognized many of their faces but I appeared to be invisible to them.

I felt nauseous the closer I got to the front of the door.  I couldn't see inside, but I had to believe that he was in there.  I was told, that it would be the hardest decision I would ever make.  It would cost me all that I had and all that I knew, if I went inside.  It would be a very painful process and once inside, I could never go back to my home or my old life.

Fear and sadness gripped me with every step I took, towards the door.  I felt the sting of pain and loss running through my veins.  Tears rolled down my face as I kept repeating to myself... "A time to mourn and a time to dance."

I knew, that I couldn't skip over the mourning season and I couldn't skip over the pain.  I was facing it and it was killing me!  I felt like this season was never going to end.  I was so weak but I knew I had to go through the process of the pain, in order to reach the other side.

I had to believe, what I could not see!

"No matter what color your skin, rich or poor... pain is not prejudiced"

I approached the door and the bouncer said, "You can't enter, it's too late."  I said, "No, it's never too late... let me in."  He replied, "I can't let you in, the dead are there."  He removed the rope to allow a guy with long blonde hair and tattoos, inside.  I turned around and noticed a girl (with long brown hair), holding onto his arm.  I sensed something immoral about her.  I said to the guy, "Don't go in there, it's not too late, don't believe what he's telling you." I took the woman's hand and removed it from his arm... Listen to me, turn around and run."  I said.  He was just staring at me with a blank stare.  It was like he was unable to hear what I was saying and he began approaching the door, anyway.

It was then that I realized who he was and I yelled... "Vincent, turn around in the name of Jesus Christ."  He spun around and glared at me with evilness in his eyes.  He grabbed both of my arms and started shaking me and screaming in my face... "Why does God hate me? Why does He hate me?"  I was crying hysterically and I began pleading with him... "He doesn't hate you... He loves you... don't believe them... He has forgiven you, He loves you!"  He then said, "If I go, you can never stop praying for me, NEVER!  Do you understand me???  I can't do this anymore!"  I said, "I promise!  I will never stop praying for you, no matter what... now go!"  He took off and started running down the street.

The bouncer was pissed off and he called for more security to come and have me removed from outside of the building.  I ran down the street and grabbed my friends and said, "I'm going inside, I have to believe he's in there... I need you to start praying for me and for all of those inside.  Pray for everyone in line too and tell them to leave!  As soon as I'm inside, come in and start speaking life and praying out loud with me."  I then ran back to the front of the door and the guard yelled, "I told you to get out of here."  I said, "Move out of my way, in Jesus Name."  He froze for a second and I took that opportunity to run inside.

As soon as I got inside, I couldn't see anything.  I began coughing from the stench of vomit, urine, and rotting bones.  I covered my mouth and nose with my shirt and reached into my purse to grab my cell phone, so I could see.  I noticed a text message on my phone that read, "you will never look at life the same, ever again!"

My eyes were stinging, as I began flashing my phone (like a flashlight), through all of the bodies lying lifeless on the ground.  I began praying out loud, as loud as I could.  I kept scanning the crowd, but I couldn't find him. "He has to be here, he has to be here"... I kept repeating to myself.

Finally, I saw a flash of his cross (that his father gave him), around his neck and I started running towards him.  I ran up to him and got on my knees and started praying.  I put his lifeless head on my lap and I removed his beautiful red locks, from his face.  I knew he was gone, but I began to pray and believe anyway.

I commanded every assignment from the enemy to be removed.  I prayed that life would return to him and that death couldn't hold him, in Jesus Name.  I started praying louder and louder and all of the sudden he started coughing and spitting up blood.  I began to cry and kept praying and thanking God.

My friends entered the building and I could hear them begin to pray for everyone.  I started shouting and commanding all of the evil forces to loose everyone in the room.  

"my sweet child of mine, let me lay it on the line"... x

Suddenly a light in the building came on and it was shining down upon him.  I looked around the room and I could see people moving.  I heard the moans and weeping, from all of the men and women in the room.  I yelled to my friends, "Help all of them get out of here."  They started shuffling through the people, to help them out the door.  I kept praying out loud, as loud as I possibly could.

I then began telling him how much I loved him, that I would give my life for him.  I told him that he's my blessing, my rainbow and my promise from God.  I helped him up and I wrapped his trench coat around him.  I thanked Jesus for the light and for the MIRACLE of life.

We started heading towards the door and I noticed that all of the people that had been standing in line, were gone.  We began walking down the street and it was at that point, that I realized what the text on my phone had meant.

"I would never look at life the same, ever again!"  I could never look back, I could not return to my old life and all that I once knew, was gone.  I had to hold onto the promise and let go of the pain.  I was scared and I didn't know where to go?  All I knew is, that I needed to keep walking in faith.

I kept thanking God for the gift of life, as we were walking down the sidewalk and then I looked up...

That's when I saw his Ferrari coming around the corner and I screamed, "x... x... I went through with it... Our seed IS alive!"

Today... we are closer than we have ever been.

Would you be willing to give up everything you have, for something you couldn't see?  Would you be willing to risk your life, to save another soul?

We all go through heartache and pain, it is one of the loneliest walks we have to take in life.  Betrayal and separation from those you love and trust, is one of the hardest things to face.  No one else can walk through the pain for us.  We have to make that choice to keep walking forward, no matter what our circumstance.

It may appear that darkness and death is all around us.  You may not be able to SEE how anything good could possibly come out of your situation, trust me I know.  But we can't give up and think that it's too late for us.  We need to hold onto hope and keep focusing on the Light, no matter how bleak or dark it may appear.

It may feel, as though we are invisible and no one understands what we're going through but we need to keep fighting.  We need to speak life into the death of our pain.  We also need to remember to help and pray for others along the way, because we don't know the pain that they may be facing, either.  The hardest part is making the decision, to let go.  We can't walk into our future, if we're holding onto our past. 

If nothing good ever came out of pain, then we wouldn't have so many beautiful songs.  You might discover your greatest treasure, in the darkest moment in your life.  Have faith that your DESTINY is right around the corner.

BELIEVE, that it's your season to dance!

x ~ I respect you and I love you!!!

I listened to all three versions of the song.  I told you that the original one, is the crying one.  Don't change the lyrics! ;)

*Faith, Hope, and Love



Melissa Tandoc said...

And you are never the same Lisa. I took in every line you wrote and something has been touched deep within me.

Your story is modern yet mystical in every sense---the setting, the mood, the people in it...the drama and the pain...recovery and the decision to journey through life again.

You've risen from the ashes!'The seed is alive!'

I love you and your post. The images and the heart you've poured into this. Keep the faith...CORAGGIO!

Savira Gupta said...

A modern tale ( LA) with a twist of mysticism. Interesting post...

fantasy in practicality said...

"If nothing good ever came out of pain, then we wouldn't have so many beautiful songs. You might discover your greatest treasure, in the darkest moment in your life. Have faith that your destiny is right around the corner."

these lines touched me deep in a mystic way.

let every season get a reason to DANCE.

the video complemented the modern story line. just loved it.

ferdian said...

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Abhisek said...

Extraordinary thoughts expressed in such a way that every word is magic.It took me into a completely different world for sometime.

Rachel Hoyt said...

This reads like a dream. I LOVE it! :)

Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@Melissa: Awe, you made me cry. Sometimes pain seems to overtake us and I realize now how it can paralyze us. I am thankful to Jesus for healing our sorrow and restoring us. The seed is alive... In Jesus Name, AMEN!!!

@Savira Gupta: Thank you for reading and responding, I'm glad you enjoyed it. ;)

@fantacy: in practicality: Thank you for the SWEET compliment. I'm happy you were touched! ;)

@ferdian: WOW! Thank you for the huge compliment. I truly appreciate your comment and sharing my website.

@Abhisek: Awe, I love it!!! Thank you so much! I'm glad that you were taken to another world... that IS magic! hehe

@Rachel Hoyt: THANK YOU!!! I'm glad you liked it!

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Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@web hosting Thank you so much for the compliment and for taking the time to read them!!! ;)

Unknown said...


Just wanted to reread this today, and it was such a blessing... Never again the same... that's the truth. When we realize the TRUTH of where God wants us to walk... even if we cannot SEE it, we aren't the same. Our paradigms have shifted, our lives have been altered, and our SIGHT for DESTINY is given Light.

Thanks so much for sharing your life and experiences... your WING Moments... with those of us who are privileged to read it...

Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@Harmony Courtney AMEN! Yes, truly NEVER the same!!! Thank you for the huge compliment!

bennjamin said...

Gosh, I came hear again because I know I didn't real all your blogs - but I can never read more than one, I always have a million thoughts and feelings running through my mind when I start reading.

You know I just copied the whole paragraph starting with "We all go through heartache.." to one of my local documents called "favorite quotes" because it feels so right and so straight from my own heart. Especially the words "separation from those you love and trust, is one of the hardest things to face. No one else can walk through the pain for us." - and of course, the 'remedy' as you say: "We have to make that choice to keep walking forward, no matter what our circumstance".

Which of course you don't call a 'remedy' because it isn't one - it's just this human 'trick' that we do: trying to keep breathing. But this is why it's so right. A false figment of 'solution' I wouldn't buy anyway - this I would have considered new age stuff (and I don't have that vibe in me). But to take things from our reality and trying to "work with it" (as I would put it), yes, this I can.

You will perhaps always be 'my favorite head case' (yeah I love to poke fun with that one;) Maybe I can be your favorite asshole - deal? Lol...

I don't know how it works, but I can "sponge" on your blogs - the rationalist in me usually leaves after having read the first few phrases, and the non-rational but still reasonable me is left at the mercy of your story. Which is always weird and mysterious but I always recognize the basic materials of life in it. Perhaps it's because of those artists you mention (particularly Axl) I don't know. Axl Rose always makes me realize (I should say: he reminds me) that I am just a nobody.

But not in a silly way. It's okay for me to be a nobody - because the reality is what it is. The reality is what I have to work with, not something I have to deny. My reality is a work in progress, it will take whatever it takes. And you are so damn right: "We have to make that choice to keep walking forward, no matter what our circumstance". It's like with forgiveness: if I'm not forgiven, I may still decide to forgive the other. Because I can.

If Christians can't do what Christ does, if Christians can't be non-judgmental like Christ, and love the other more than ourselves, then I can still try to do it - knowing that I may fail, but I can try. Because Jesus was so freaking right on so many things.

It's the science of humanism.

Take care, ragazza italiana.

Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@jcm manuel AMEN!!! I'm glad that you're able to "SPONGE" on my blogs and are left with MERCY... although "weird and mysterious!" ;) I also LOVE that I'm your favorite "HEAD CASE!" haha I appreciate your rationalism, because at times I might be too high up in the clouds and it gives me a happy medium, where I can balance what I write, so others will understand! As far as being a NOBODY... this is definitely NOT true! Like I have said before, many of us feel like CATERPILLARS crawling around with no WINGS, but in HIS eyes we are all BUTTERFLIES!!! Uniquely and beautifully created... Free to FLY and RISE above our circumstances! Thank you, ALWAYS for reading and commenting! I'm HONORED that you added what I said, as one of your favorite quotes! ~baci

bennjamin said...

We good. Tanti baci

Nelieta said...

Would you be willing to give up everything you have, for something you couldn't see? Would you be willing to risk your life, to save another soul?

Very powerful and thought provoking words! I have a lot of things going through my mind and first have to digest it before I can answer. Love your blog!

Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@Nelieta: Thank you so much for the HUGE compliment and for reading. It is much appreciated. ;)

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Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@Anonymous: WOW! Thank you for the SWEET compliment. It really means a lot to me, as I pray and ask God for revelation.

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Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie Farfalla said...

@Anonymous: Thank you so much. I'm glad you stumbled upon my page and liked it. ;)