Farfalla Dreams: Thorns of Surrender

"if you want the rose, you have to accept the thorns"...x

It was almost midnight and I was still fussing to get everything in order. I was trying not to think about what was coming or what the purpose of this midnight rendezvous was all about? I just knew that the tone in his voice sounded serious.

I lit the candles in front of me and then I heard the sound of the door unlock. I took a deep breath as my heart sunk. I turned towards the door as he walked in. He looked at me and just smiled. I said, "you made it." He just stared at me and didn't say a word. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked. "don't move, i just want to look at you." he said. My eyes began to tear up, I don't know how he does this but it's like he's looking through me.

I felt nervous so I looked to the floor. Within seconds he was in front of me hugging me and whispering in my ear. I began to cry. "i'm right here, i'm right here" he said, as he squeezed me tight.

He walked over to turn some music on and went to sit in the chair next to the fire. I went to grab us a drink and a few cupcakes, I had made earlier. I returned to see one of my cats sitting on his lap and him singing..."'cause baby can't you see, we need to spend some time alone, we need to see some dreams come true, I joined in... i wanna feel you touching me, we need a midnight rendezvous."

We talked for hours but it seemed to go by so quick. I grabbed my phone to check the time and it was 3:00 AM.

"give me your phone" I handed him my phone. I got up and went to make him some hot tea with honey. When I returned, I handed him the tea and sat down on the floor in front of him. I noticed he had tears in his eyes. I thought maybe something in my phone bothered him but I didn't say anything?

I was drinking my tea and staring at the fire and I started thinking about what he had said earlier... "if you want the rose, you have to accept the thorns." It led me to ponder Paul's thorn in the flesh, as described in the Bible. He pleaded with God three times to remove it. God said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness." God didn't remove the thorn. He wasn't ignoring him. He was telling Paul that He already gave him everything he needed, to come out victoriously from this situation. Sometimes when we feel we are at our weakest, that's when God is the strongest within us. We don't always get what we want but God knows what we need.

"it's inside of you, set it ablaze"...x

It was so quiet for what seemed like an hour but it was probably only 10 minutes, when he whispered, "Farfalla." I turned to look at him as he repeated my name again... "Farfalla, this reads like a storybook, you have to piece this together." He began reading excerpts from my dream journal in my phone. I put my head down in his lap in embarrassment at some of the personal details of these dreams. He kept reading and saying, "it's inside of you, it's inside of you, set it ablaze."

My stomach felt like butterflies on fire as I felt the heat with every word he spoke.

"we cannot separate, are you hearing me? we cannot separate." he said sternly. I was crying and shaking my head, yes.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I screwed up. You kept warning me, I should've listened to you, I've wasted so many years." I said. "shh, shh... wake up sleeping beauty, it's not wasted years but divine timing." he said, as he wiped the tears from my face.

He then whispered something in my ear about Seth and said... "promise me!" I was crying hysterically and said, "I promise, I promise."

He grabbed my face and continued, "you are drawn to the deep, you crave the mysteries of God, they can't see what you see, they see a pauper but you see a king.

listen, let them spin the narrative any way they want to. you know, and i know and God knows and that's all that matters...

you have one life and one love... let it go and surrender!"

Briar Rose