An angel appeared to me in a dream and handed me a kitten. He said, "his name is called Dodi."
When I awoke from this dream I wrote it down in my dream journal and then I looked up the meaning of the name Dodi.
Pronounced Dough-dee: which means, "well loved, precious gift."
Several months later I received this adorable kitten as a gift, therefore I named him Dodi.
Whenever Dodi looks up at me, I am reminded of the angel in my dream. Dodi's eyes are so heavenly and I am so thankful for this precious gift. I also continue to share my story about him with others.
"i have a surprise for you"... x
A few weeks ago I was thinking about all the name changes in the Bible. It fascinates me that Jesus changed people's names. This shows me the importance of a name and the meaning behind it. Our name is our identity and our identity is our purpose.
As I was pondering this I began thinking about all the people that are struggling in this world. They are broken, bitter, depressed and lost. Most of them don't know or don't understand the power of Jesus' name. They don't know that His name is above any other name. They don't realize that they can call upon His name and be healed and restored from anything that they are going through or struggling with.
I myself am going through a season of heartache. My dad has cancer and I've been completely heartbroken. I was telling x that it's so hard to watch him be in so much pain and become weaker and weaker. X said, "if God could do it for Hezekiah then he can do it for your dad."
Those words pierced my heart and re-reading this story about Hesekiah in the Bible has given me so much hope. I'm calling upon Jesus name to heal my father and I'm praying for a Christmas miracle. I'm also praying for all of those that are hurting during this season.
As we exchange gifts this Christmas, let us not forget about the most precious gift sent down from heaven above.
May we be reminded that we are well loved and may we never stop telling His story.
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." James 1:17
From the day you were born, I knew you were special. The first time I held you in my arms and you looked at me with your big round eyes, my heart melted. My sweet Athena, you lived up to your name. You were so beautiful and precious.
Although you spent the first 6 months of your life in and out of hospitals, you were still purring and so loving. The experts said you wouldn't make it to 3 years old with your condition, but you beat the odds and lived to be 3 1/2 years old. You fought for your life with all that you had and through it all you were so gracious and sweet.
You were the topic of the Pet Neurology Convention in Las Vegas as they shared your case. You gave the Veterinarians and Neurologists wisdom and through your willingness to survive, you allowed them to be able to study your case further. They were able to do so much more research and development, so they could help other cats and dogs that suffered with your condition, in the future. When I would take you to see a new Doctor they would already know who you were and they were so excited to meet you.
Athena, you were so loved by everyone who came in contact with you and you left a special mark in their hearts. You had the will power to survive baby girl and I sacrificed all that I had to keep you alive and happy. Since you've been gone, I am at a loss and completely heartbroken. I got so used to you being in bed with me and always giving me kisses at night. I still wake up at 3:00am when I would usually do your medicine and I lay awake and cry. I miss you so much. I'm so sorry I couldn't stop your seizures and I'm so sorry you suffered the last few days.
Even the Doctor cried when we had to put you down. I'll never forget the way you just stared at me, still purring in my arms and how much I didn't want to let you go. You ended up pulling the catheter out and the Doctor had to inject you twice. Till the very end, you were still fighting for your life.
My sweet angel, you taught your mama what it truly means to love unconditionally, to sacrifice all that you have and to fight for your life. And most importantly, to fight for love. In sickness and in health, till death do us part.
R.I.P. my precious baby girl.
Athena (June 15, 2015 - November 15, 2018)
Athena suffered from a condition called FOPS (Feline Oral Facial Syndrome). She would scratch her face and tongue to the point of bleeding. We declawed her front paws so she wouldn't hurt herself. After a few years of treatment she completely stopped pawing at her face. She also suffered with violent seizures which we treated with medication every 6 hours.
It was a gorgeous fall day when many people came out to hear the music and listen to my Pastor preach. I loved seeing everyone worshiping The King. It was such a diverse crowd, from old people to the youth and everyone in between. The Holy Spirit was flowing and the music was spirit filled. My Pastor came up to me with a big smile on his face and said "I'm stoked that so many people showed up, I've never seen a revival break out like this before." "Me either, it's amazing," I responded.
After my Pastor spoke the crowds began to disperse. I started to clean up. By the time I was finished a mild fog had rolled in and the air became misty and cold. I looked out into the field and noticed a woman sitting in the distance with long dark hair. I then saw a man walk up to her, bend down and whisper something in her ear, as he glared over at me. The woman turned around and glanced over her shoulder to look at me. I recognized who the man was, as he was walking away.
I started walking briskly towards the woman. Once I got closer it appeared as if she was digging in the dirt or burying something? She didn't notice me at first until I started speaking. "What did he say?" I said, in a stern voice. Her eyes were completely glossed over as she looked up at me and said, "He said that we're going to kill you."
I immediately rebuked her, "Well, you can't kill me unless God gives you permission to kill me." She smiled, put her head down and said, "Not now, but during the summer months." I yelled back at her, "Like I said, he can't kill me unless God gives him permission to kill me and if God gives him permission, then I guess I'll get to heaven sooner. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ."
She never looked up or responded back to me and it was as if she was frozen in time.
I started running back through the field and ran up to my sisters screaming, "Where's Seth, where's Seth?" They told me to calm down and asked me what was wrong. I began to tell them about the woman in the field, as I was frantically trying to call x. My sisters were telling me that there wasn't any woman sitting in the field. I grabbed them by their arms as I was pleading with them to believe me. Once I touched them, I heard the sound of breaking bones.
I awoke from this dream and immediately started praying and casting out the evil spirits.
The Black Crowes ~ She talks to angels
A few days later I was talking to x about my dream and he said, "Everyone's poppin' pills, drinking and trying to escape the pain. Maybe you should tell them how to get set free?"
He then shared a poem he wrote. I am paraphrasing the poem because I don't want to put his complete poem out there.
I once felt trapped by a butterfly
so I clipped her wings
put her in a cage
n' there she stayed
all the days of her life.
Never to be free or able to fly
as the days fluttered on by
I studied her every move
how could she be caged
yet so at peace and free
Today, I'm still fascinated by her wings
"you're not going anywhere." ~ x
I thought about what x said and his poem about the butterfly. So many people seem like they are caged and can't break free from whatever addiction or sin they are struggling with. People believe that what they are carrying is a disease or it's been passed down from generation to generation. It seems as if they accept it as who they are. It's just a part of them and so they find different ways to deal with the pain.
When I wrote my previous blog 'The Invitation,' I received several questions about how to pray to get rid of evil spirits and how to be free from sin. I believe one of the reasons people are so angry, hateful and being tormented today, is because they're in bondage to sin. Many people are stuck and don't know what to do to be set free. They are fighting addictions and sin on their own without the One that can help them break free.
One spirit that I notice that is more prevalent today is the Jezebel spirit. The world calls it narcissism.
The Jezebel spirit is not gender biased, this spirit can operate in a man or woman. This spirit wants you to defile yourself through sexual immorality.
There are six characteristics of a Jezebel spirit. Insecurity, rejection, pride, arrogance, manipulation and control. This spirit operates in manipulation, intimidation. deception, lying and fear.
There are four effects of this spirit that is projected onto others, which is fear, isolation, exhaustion, and depression. Thoughts of depression, suicide, sexual impurity, thoughts of quitting or resigning are also symptoms of a Jezebel spirit. The people that operate in this, manipulate mainly through guilt. The goal of this spirit is to disqualify you for ministry and your destiny.
Most people that operate in the Jezebel spirit were rejected by their father and have a dominant mother. And most people are afraid to confront a Jezebel spirit or a narcissist because they fear the reaction they will get back. But the Jezebel spirit only has power if you tolerate it.
There are many spirits that people are being tormented by. We need to break these evil spirits from our lives.
We all need freedom and we all need to be set free. It's time for the drifters and prodigals to come home to Jesus.
"you need to die to this thing." ~x
I found this prayer by Pastor Robert Morris and I think he covers everything you may be struggling with or tormented by.
PRAYER:
Father, I ask you to forgive me for all of my sin and I ask you to release me from every bondage, in Jesus name.
Lord, right now by the authority You've given me, I take authority over Satan and I address every demonic spirit that's held me in bondage, in Jesus name and I command it to go, in Jesus name.
In Jesus name it is not the authority of my voice, it's the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ. I am covered by the blood of the Lamb, I'm overcome by the word of my testimony. I'm born again not of corruptible seed but incorruptible seed that lives and abides forever and the angels are mighty in strength watch over Your word to perform it. The word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword, it's sweeter than honey and purer than gold and His name is the word of God and by the word of God and by the blood of the Lamb we are set free today.
I take authority over every spirit of bitterness or unforgiveness or resentment or hate or malice or envy or jealousy and I command you to go right now in Jesus name.
I rebuke every spirit of insecurity of inferiority, fear, rejection, self hate, self pity, self destruction, in Jesus name.
Suicide, I command you to go right now, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of anger, or rage, or murder, or violence, or lawlessness, I command you to go, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of sexual immorality, sexual impurity, adultery, fornication, lust, pornography, all forms of sexual impurity, I command you to go right now, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of pride or lying or the Jezebel spirit, rebellion, deception, manipulation, control, I command you to go, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of criticism, judgmentalism, arrogance, prejudice, or racism, I command you to go, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of greed, materialism, selfishness, covetousness, selfish ambition, I command you to go.
Addiction. alcoholism, drunkeness, drugs, gluttony, I command you to go, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of legalism or religious pride or heresy, or false doctrine, I command you to go, in Jesus name.
Every spirit of stealing of slothfulness or laziness, unbelief, rebellion to authorities, go in Jesus name.
Every spirit of guilt, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, I command you to go in Jesus name.
Every spirit of sickness or disease, infirmities, chronic health issues, I say go in Jesus name.
Every spirit of witchcraft, the occult or blasphemy, I command you to go in Jesus name.
I break every word, curse and spell spoken into me, in Jesus name.
Every generational curse, I command you to go right now in Jesus name.
Every demonic spirit that has held me in bondage, I command you to go right now in Jesus name.
Lord, I receive the Holy Spirit and will You fill me with the Holy Spirit in every place the evil spirits left, in Jesus name, Amen.
It was late Saturday evening when my phone rang...
I need you to come here tonight.
Tonight? It's almost 11:00 and I have church in the morning. Is everything ok?
You need to come tonight!
I sensed a tone of desperation in his voice.
Alright, let me get dressed and I'll be right there.
I got out of bed, got dressed, threw my hair up in a ponytail, grabbed my purse and headed out the door.
I arrived to his house an hour later. When I got there, I entered the code and went inside. His place was dark and quiet. I walked to his bedroom and lightly tapped on the door. There was silence... I tapped again and cracked the door open. I could see the reflection from the TV and I called out his name. There was no answer so I walked in and found him laying in bed with his headphones on, watching TV. He saw me, smiled and then removed his headphones.
I sat on the side of his bed and hugged him. His scent was heavenly. I whispered in his ear. "I miss you." He squeezed me tighter and let out a sigh as tears rolled down my face.
I haven't been able to sleep since I got back and whenever I do fall asleep I have gruesome nightmares. There's an evil spirit in here, I can feel it. I need you to help me get rid of it.
Whose been in here? I asked
It doesn't matter just get rid of it.
I grabbed my purse and took out my anointing oil. He got up and went to the bathroom to shower. He doesn't like to hear me pray in the spirit and cast out demons. It sounds crazy I know... but it works.
After I anointed his room and prayed he came back and laid on the bed. I took my anointing oil and anointed his head and prayed over him. He closed his eyes and said, "If you stay with me this night, then I'll go to church with you in the morning."
I thought he was joking at first until I saw the look in his eyes. I can't recall how many times I've invited him to church in the past 30 years and he's never accepted the invitation. Once I realized he was serious I didn't hesitate. I went and grabbed a T-shirt out of his closet and crawled in bed. We watched TV for a bit and then he fell fast asleep.
I turned the TV off but I couldn't fall asleep. I was thinking about Church the following day. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would speak through my Pastor and the word would penetrate x's heart. I prayed that the music would be anointed. I prayed the people would be friendly. I was so nervous about what would happen or if he'd even actually get up in the morning and go?
"I could stay lost in this moment forever" ~Aerosmith
The following morning I got up and got in the shower. By the time I got out, to my surprise he was awake.
I drove us to church that morning. The drive was pretty quiet and I prayed in my head the entire time. When we arrived at church we went into my Pastor's office. My Pastor had a huge smile on his face as he walked up to x, shook his hand and hugged him. "I'm totally stoked you're here this mornin', my Pastor said to him. They chatted for a bit and then we walked into the Sanctuary. The lights were dim as they usually are before worship.
"With My holy oil, I have anointed him." ~God
The music began and we stood up. Halfway through the worship song 'Holy Spirit' (through my peripheral view), I saw someone's hand on x's shoulder. I looked behind him to see who it was and to my surprise it was x's Guardian angel.
He was wearing what appeared to be an all white jumpsuit and he had gold sunglasses on. He lifted his sunglasses, smiled and winked at me. He then lifted both of his hands in worship and was overshadowing x with his wings. I looked back at x in shock and noticed his eyes were welled up with tears. I put my arm around him and looked behind him once more, but his angel was gone.
After the service was over I noticed a few fans congregating to get pictures and autographs, so I decided to go through the back of the church to exit. I usually wouldn't mind but we were there to worship God and I felt that this wasn't the place for pictures and autographs. As we were exiting out the back, I heard my Pastor call my name so we turned around and stopped.
He said to x, "I have a word from the Lord to give to you, from one Prophet to another," he said. He then proceeded to prophesy a powerful word over him. It's been years since anyone had prophesied over him and I could tell by the look on x's face that he desperately needed that word.
"If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink." ~Jesus
We drove down the street to my brother's restaurant and had brunch. One thing I love about my brother owning his own restaurant is being able to have the place to ourselves, if need be. Throughout brunch I never asked him what he thought about the church service. We talked about family, our animals and he caught up with my brother regarding the restaurant business. After brunch we took a drive along the coast and just enjoyed the view and weather.
A little over a month had passed since that day, when I was at his house and he seemed anxious. I walked up to him and put my arm around him and I could feel his shirt was wet. I asked him if he had a fever and he said no. He said he had a panic attack. I quickly prayed over him and told him to come lay down on the couch. He had his head in my lap, as I removed his hair from his face. "Fans ask about you all the time, even in other countries.""How do they know me?" I said. He then sat up and said, "I want to show you something." He showed me this beautiful land that he was thinking of purchasing. I told him it was breathtaking. He then grabbed his phone and said, "I want you to listen to this"... it was an old message of mine that he had saved on his phone. "I've listened to it a million times." I couldn't believe he kept it because I was kind of preaching to him. haha
He said, "I feel restless and keep thinking about what your Pastor said about the anthem inside of me and how my gift is connected to my anointing, for His purpose. He said God will give me a fresh anointing. I get it. I know why I was supposed to be there that day. I needed to be in His presence to receive the fresh anointing and accept His invitation.
I had chills all over my body.
Listen, I know that I've told you this before... but I know it's time. The world is so crazy right now. I know it's time for me to use my gift to fulfill my purpose. And I know I need the Holy Spirit to accomplish it."
I absolutely loved this night.
Trying to find his way back to you In an ocean so big
How does he find his way
In a boat so small
It would be a miracle someday
He bows his head and begins to pray
But how does he relate to Fatherly love from above
If he's never experienced a father's love here on earth
He has no idea what it's worth
"Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them" ~Jesus
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine a few months ago about a movie that was coming out about his life. He was telling me how surreal it was to watch someone relive his life on film. "It's so raw and real," he was saying as I stopped him mid-sentence and said, "How real could it be if your child is eliminated from the film?" Stunned for a moment he responded, "This movie is about my musical career."
I tried to keep quiet but I just couldn't. He's such a good father and has always been there for his child but he doesn't want to upset his new wife. I don't understand how women marry men knowing that they have children from previous relationships, but then they can't handle the reality of it?
I went to the refrigerator and grabbed us a bottle of water and then I went back to the table and sat down next to him and said, "Listen to me, your child is the greatest gift God has given you and is every part of your music. I know your wife is insecure and jealous but your child and ex are a part of your life and were here long before her. Don't you think they might feel rejected by being eliminated from your film? Are the other band members ex's and children in the movie?
He put his head down and covered his face with his hands as I continued. "You've struggled with rejection and abandonment issues your whole life because you didn't know your father. How do you think your child will feel being eliminated from this movie?"
Today is the day we honor father's but I can't help but think of all the children that grew up without a father. I know several children and adults that grew up never knowing their father or they were kept away from their father when they were young. It breaks my heart more than anything that they were robbed of having and knowing the love of a father. I can tell you, it has affected every aspect of their life and how they relate to love. It is a constant heartache that never goes away.
This happens a lot when parents split up and the mother tries to control visitation and/or uses her children as bait to get what she wants from their father. But this also happens when the man meets a new woman and the woman tries to keep the kids from their father.
We've all heard the painful and horrifying stories of stepmothers keeping children away from their fathers. Like Yoko Ono keeping Julian Lennon away from his dad at a young age and even in his death she wouldn't allow him to have anything that belonged to his father. Julian had to go to public auctions after his father's death just to buy something that his dad owned, so he had something to remember him by. Yoko might have been the cause of splitting up The Beatles but I believe her biggest crime was stealing a father from his son. And then there's Robert Williams' children who weren't allowed in their father's home after he married his third wife and his kids had to take her to court for their dad's belongings that were willed to them, after his passing. And the heartbreaking story about Kerri Kasem and her siblings being kept from seeing their dad (by their stepmom), as he was dying and his kids had to get a court order just to see him before he passed. There are millions of children living this very nightmare, today. If I could say anything to the women and men out there, I would say...
Dear Mothers and women,
Please don't use your children as pawns, please don't talk poorly of their father, for you are only destroying your child's character. Don't stop your children from having a relationship with their dad and don't use your kids for financial gain. And to the women who get involved with a man that has kids (from a previous relationship), if you can't handle the fact that he has children, please don't even date him. Those children were there before you. It is hard enough that they have to struggle with their parents being separated and the fear and pain that goes along with all of that. The last thing they need is someone else trying to stop them from spending even less time with their father. Please don't allow your own insecurities or jealousies destroy these innocent children. Stop treating these kids like their feelings and lives are meaningless and it's all about you and your own selfishness and greed.
Dear Fathers,
Please, please, please fight for your children. No woman is worth sacrificing a relationship with your children for. Your children need your love and they need to have a relationship with you.
We are living in a fatherless generation and our children are suffering the consequences. We are creating hopeless and loveless children.
We are destroying their heart, their soul and their dream.
Today may we encourage our children to have a relationship with their Father in heaven and their father on earth.
"don't feed me your bullshit right now, i don't wanna hear it." ~x
You are like the tree
in the Garden of Eden
good and evil interwined
wandering through your beauty
intrigued by your words
love and fear combined
you have said
I can eat all of the fruit
in the garden
except for the tree
except for you
I gravitate towards you
I long to be with you
I want to sit beneath you
I want to be nourished by your fruit
but I am forbidden
you are like the tree
in the Garden of Eden
my weakness
my shortcoming
my failure
my truth
♥♰♥
x had just returned home from a 5 day trip to New York and we were laying on the couch doing some online Christmas shopping. After asking him if he wanted me to order a few Christmas gifts and not getting a response, I sat up, put the computer down and asked him what was on his mind? "I was just thinking," he said. About what? I said.
Adam and Eve.
What, where did that come from? What about them?
they were given everything and lived in paradise but it still wasn't enough.
Well, that's why they were kicked out of the garden. It wasn't enough to walk with God, they wanted to be like God.
so what if I have to kick people out? what if it's never enough for them? what if they were dishonest or disloyal? what if they used me?
Listen, I know you're hurt but don't beat yourself up over the decisions you have to make or have had to make in the past. Let me ask you this... Do you think Adam and Eve regretted eating the apple? Do you think they wished they could have changed what they had done?
yeah, of course. we all have regrets.
Yes, and we all make mistakes and sometimes the mistakes cost us more than we could ever imagine. But don't you think it hurt God when he had to kick them out of the garden? Don't you think He was sad when they left? Don't you think He would have rather had them stay? Look... you're not always going to be happy about the decisions you have to make. Just because you have to kick people out, doesn't mean you love them any less or you're not going to miss them.
i hear you. hey, do you remember where we were on New Years Eve in 2007.
Yes, how could I forget. I still have the prophecy written in my journal.
where did all the time go? i want to feel that power again, i want others to experience it.
Well, then you know what you have to do. You are the anointed vessel, it has to come out of you. It doesn't matter how much color is surrounding you, it's the light that shines through you that matters.
like a stained glass window, he chuckled.
Yes, exactly! haha
"Let your light so shine before men..." ~Jesus
I have always said, "in the end, the only person that will regret not using the gifts God gave them... is you." That goes for all of us. you know what, sweetheart? you're like the tree in the Garden of Eden.
Which part? Good or evil? I said, jokingly. But I never expected his beautiful response.
the tree of life. you've always been able to breathe life into my pain and shine light through my darkness... you've always stirred me back to God and what's important in life. and you've always stood by my decisions (whether good or bad), although i had to hear about it when you disagreed. he said, as he winked at me.
I was in awe of his words as I responded softly...
Yes, because I honor and respect you. I'm really glad you took the time you had off, to spend some time alone and listen to God.
it's strange, it doesn't matter how much time we spend apart, i've always felt so connected to you. i hear your words echo in my head. you know this Anthem inside of me keeps getting louder and louder. i can feel it beating in my chest.
Then hark the angels and release the sound inside of you. Let the world see you shine. Allow them to feel the power and experience it. Heed the words of the Prophet and receive the Prophet's reward.
For it IS the promise of 2017.
"She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her..." ~King Solomon
Elton John ~ Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me
"but these cuts I have
they need love
to help them heal"
♥♰♥hope deferred makes the heart sick but when desire comes it is a tree of life♥♰♥
It was years ago back in the late 1980's when Producer Barry called me. He said that the band he was producing had requested to meet me, my sister and one of our close friends. They were playing at The Roxy Theatre in West Hollywood and he had VIP passes waiting for us. He didn't give us any details about the band but said we had dinner reservations at the French restaurant on Sunset Blvd., after the show.
We had been going to rock concerts at The Roxy Theatre for years but this was something different for the three of us. When the band hit the stage they owned it. There was a different kind of energy, I had never experienced before. From the keyboards, bass and percussion, to the dancing and the flamboyant outfits they were wearing. This was R&B, funk and soul. It was as if we had just stepped into a scene from the movie 'Purple Rain'. We were flabbergasted.
WHAT TIME IS IT???
After the show we went to the restaurant and Barry introduced us to Morris Day, Jerome, Jesse and The Time. They were so respectful, shy and funny. Shh... don't tell them I told you that. ;) We had a beautiful night drinking, eating, talking, but most of all laughing. We were honored to be their guests that evening and it made an impact on the rest of our lives.
A few weeks later, Barry and 'The Time' invited us to see Prince. If you don't know the history between Morris Day and Prince (other than the movie), they have been friends since High School and played in several bands together.
We will forever be grateful to Barry, Morris Day and The Time.
We love you!
Love,
Your 'Purple Grapes'
The Time ~ Jungle Love
Today: April 21st 2016 - Time stopped as I heard the news that Prince had passed away. It was only two months ago that Vanity had passed and they were both only 57 years old.
With a heavy heart tonight, I want to thank Prince for his beautiful spiritual music that he shared with the world. And for sharing all the wonderful talent that he discovered, also.
Now you are home in peace with your son Boy Gregory and also with Vanity. I would love to see your PURPLE crown. R.I.P. Prince. You will be missed.
The doves are crying on earth but singing in Heaven.
your answer was to vanish
in the middle of the night
slipping out the front door
as I catch the chill
from the cold misty air
a shadow of what once was
memories of a time
when love was so kind
I lay here in silence
upon a soaked filled pillow
somehow our sanctuary
became a cemetery
and you're no longer here
haunted
in my dreams
I see you
next to me
I can't escape the nightmare
it's reality
the darkness never fades
as I awake alone
only to mourn
the loss once more
I fight the thoughts
I try to stop the sting
I think they lied when they said, "Time heals the pain."
I think they lied when they said, "You will love again."
I cry out to Jesus
catch me, catch me as I fall
I'm slipping, slipping
further into the abyss I fall
I bury my heart
cover the brokenness
and suddenly you reappear
only to return
for your boots and guitars
pulling on my strings
once again
placing fresh flowers upon my grave
breathing life into these dead bones
and here we go
slipping back
year after year
somehow enduring the sorrow
extending mercy to each other
we dug ourselves out of a grave
hand in hand
covering our shame
with a brokenhearted tattoo
we planted a friendship
watered the other with grace
a bond that will never break
we carry the scars
helping each other
through it all
finding solace in one another
we never made it together
the story replays
over and over
within your songs
we can't rewind
the sparkle in our eyes
one filled with love
the other scarred with pain
accepting our own blame
we lay our head upon the Rock
asking for forgiveness
in our resting place
next to each other
in peace
forever
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" ~King David
Gary Allan ~ Smoke Rings in the dark
"and all I'm takin' with me are the pieces of my heart"
I wanted to be the first one to arrive at the studio, so I could pray inside before anyone got there. But you can never predict the traffic in Los Angeles. Although I left extra early, I was still late. I said a quick prayer before I got out of the car and grabbed my purse and the cupcakes, I had baked. I have been taught that before meeting with a prophet, you should always bake him a cake first.
I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach as I walked through the lobby and approached the door. I knew we would all be reminiscing about the past and talking about the good ol' days, but I was hoping to hear some new music. I really miss that magical, spiritual sound of music being created.
I knocked on the door and the road manager opened it. He grabbed the cupcakes out of my hands and then asked me to turn over my cell phone. I guess this was to make sure that no one would take any photos or videos, while rehearsals were going on?
It seemed strange and tense at first but as soon as I greeted everyone, it was like time had never passed. The bass player hugged me and shared some exciting news with me. He then played a part of a song that he wanted me to hear. I was honored that he shared the song with me, before anyone else.
An hour had passed by before x walked into the room. Immediately you could feel the whole atmosphere shift. It was a supernatural feeling and it felt as if time had froze for a minute. Right away he began telling jokes and making everyone laugh.
He then looked over at me and said, "cupcakes? it's not my birthday yet... but i guess it's quite a celebration, huh?" as he winked at me. I smiled and said, "Well I am expecting a Prophet's reward, you know?!"
"He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet
shall receive a prophet's reward" ~Jesus
Several hours had passed as they rehearsed old songs. It's amazing how a song can take you back in time and bring your memories to the forefront. I sat there thinking... how did so many years pass by, so quickly? After going through some of the old songs, they started throwing out ideas and playing parts of new songs they were working on, individually. To be able to witness this was like a dream. My spirit felt alive.
After everyone shared their songs, x walked over to the piano and sat down. He began to play and chills went up and down my spine. I scanned the room and noticed everyone was looking down or had their eyes closed. The sound coming from the piano was so beautiful. It sounded like a harp was accompanying the keys. I felt like I was in the middle of a church service during worship.
I closed my eyes as he began to sing and my eyes began to well up with tears. I listened intently to the lyrics and it sounded as if he was bringing everything written in my diary, to life. I could feel everyone looking over at me, to see what my reaction would be to this very painful, personal song.
I kept my head down and began to weep. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself, so I headed towards the door. As soon as I got out of the studio, I let out a loud cry and ran towards the bathroom. I cried and prayed in the bathroom until I composed myself, fixed my makeup and headed back to the studio.
I lightly knocked on the door and went inside. It was completely silent in the room. The keyboardist came over and put his arm around me, as if to say... are you alright? I walked over and stood up against the post next to the couches. The band members began going over the setlist and going over parts of songs.
I watched as x stood up, walked over to the table and grabbed a cupcake. He came and stood by me, took a bite out of the cupcake and said, "thanks for the cupcakes but you missed out on your blessing." He then kissed me on the cheek and handed me the rest of his cupcake.
I stood there for a minute holding the cupcake, wondering what he meant? A part of me felt guilty for leaving in the middle of his song. I wanted to apologize for disrespecting him, but he was busy with the boys in the band and I didn't want to disturb them.
"The jar of flour shall not go empty, nor the jug of oil run dry." ~Elijah
A few weeks had passed when x called me...
"Hello?"
"i'm coming over."
"Well, this is a pleasant surprise. You haven't been to my house for almost a year."
"well, you know what i've been craving? i'll be there in a few hours."
"Haha! Sure, I'll run to the store and grab everything and start cooking. See you in a bit."
I went to the store and bought a bottle of wine and all the ingredients for his favorite dish. I went home and began preparing the food and decided to bake him a cake, also.
Throughout dinner we had a deep conversation. He hadn't opened up like this, for quite some time. It was very healing for both of us.
"hey, i keep dreaming that i tell you to meet me under the willow tree. when we get there, i have a harp in my hand. i thought you might know what the dream means?"
"God is trying to tell you something. He's giving you a message, through a recurring dream to confirm to you that it's from Him. The willow tree is very flexible and can bend all the way down without snapping, it adjusts and surrenders to the wind without breaking. It thrives in the most horrendous conditions. The willow tree also shows us that through love and loss we can grow and there's always the potential for something new and beautiful. Your hand represents your power and authority and the harp represents your song and worship. It is the Lord's song. Remember Psalm 137?"
He interrupts me and starts singing... "by the rivers of babylon, where we sat down..."
"Haha! Yes, exactly. Remember they hung their harps on the willow tree and stopped singing the Lord's song. It was a sad song. They allowed their enemies to silence them and steal their joy and their song. Maybe God is saying... Don't hang up your harp, don't allow your enemies to steal your blessing, never stop singing!"
"hmm... maybe so? i've been meaning to ask you... why did you walk out in the middle of my song, at rehearsals? "I'm sorry! I wanted to apologize to you, it was just... I don't know? It was just very painful to hear." "maybe if you listened to the whole song, the pain would've been easier to bear?"
He grabbed ahold of my hand and led me into the living room. He sat down at the piano and said, "what we share is different then any other love... it's a spiritual love." and then he began to play. I took a sip of my wine and closed my eyes.
Once he finished playing I was shaking and crying. It was the most heartbreaking beautiful love song, I have ever heard.
My voice was cracking as I softly said, "the end is better than the beginning."
"and patience is better than pride," he replied.
"an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma."~King Solomon
That's when it hit me. It was then that I realized what he meant, about me missing out on my blessing. My pride stood in the way. I was too worried about what everyone in the room was thinking about me. I ran instead of waiting patiently to HEAR the whole song. I missed the ending, the best part (the most endearing and loving part), of the entire song.
What x was saying IS... it's not just about me. His music and his song is his gift and blessing. It's about the millions of people that would be blessed by hearing his song. It would help them heal some of their own pain and heartache. It is much deeper than him and much deeper than me. It's spiritual.
That got me thinking? Have you ever wondered why we listen to sad songs, when we're sad? Shouldn't we be listening to songs that lift us up? I think we listen to the sad songs because we can relate to what the singer is saying. We feel his pain through his song and in return it helps us heal our own heartache and pain.
You SEE: Love is not always moonlight and roses. We often hurt the ones we love and they hurt us, also. Sometimes our pride stands in the way, or the hurt is so painful that we run away from it. We can't see past our current situation, so we leave in the middle of the pain. Never waiting to get through the forgiveness and healing process. Therefore, we miss out on our blessing.
But that doesn't mean we missed it forever. We might not have got it right the first time, but that doesn't mean we won't have another opportunity to receive our blessing. We will always be able to bake another cake or write another song.
A cake always represents a celebration and cake and music often go together. We enjoy cake and music at birthday parties, weddings, and anniversaries, etc. It is something we share with our loved ones and friends. But if we separated the ingredients of the cake, it wouldn't taste good nor would it look good. We need all of the ingredients to mix together, to create something BEAUTIFUL.
We all have the choice to walk in love. To give our offering and sacrifice to one another. To share cake and music together.
To experience Spiritual love which is the deepest, purest, and richest love, possible. It is our greatest blessing and our reward.
